LIFE IS A BUSY SCHEDULE

Now a day’s life becomes so busy schedule, not only I but  but also u find in everywhere, it’s very difficult task to take rest for one day. As I am a student that also my pre-final year, now I wanna smile & I need sometimes for fun, I need sometime for enjoy with my family & friends.  But can’t get properly, as now I know if I will spend here then my dream will be become dream.  sometimes I want an go back, go back to that childhood days where I had got plenty of time for fun & enjoy but at that in my colony no one was there in my age , so that  most of time I felt very lonely  that’s why  I always give my time for myself improvement means DRAWING, GARDENING & READING BOOKS & WRITING etc. , but now the situation is just opposite I have friends as I am staying in hostel but I have not sufficient time for spending & enjoy. I feel irritating, it’s really very busy schedule. because one side my college & career  , another side my future career  & another side my everyday work like writing or drawing  "sorry I can’t leave my writing , I can’t live one day without writing anything. Now it’s become my friend & my soul mate & my best friend & secret keeper" . Yeah sometimes people also ask me about TIME SPENDING IN SOCIAL NETWORKING SITE LIKE FACEBOOK etc. Yes , I spend because it helps me a lot like  through this I show my talent like now I can’t publish MY BOOK  so that I always like to post my writings in my blog & then post it in face book & twitter , as hope everyone will read , will encourage me & my writings too.  as now I am not a celebrity  ,so no one  know me well , that's why I feel this social media will  help me for my writing ,  as at least some people will read this & help me by their kind encouraging words  which encourage me  indirectly  & helps me a lots &  it gives me a positive feedback . that’s why I spend some time here . Till I’ll be self independent & capable of to  publish MY OWN BOOK  , I’ll keep posting  my writings in my blogger & other sites  . secondly I wanna say social networking site helps you to communicate with everyone & that’s why I love it most as I wanna communicate with everyone & I love to make friendship with everyone & it indirectly helps me & encouraging me  like when ever  I see any good personality which indirectly motivates my mind towards them & their personality affects me too , I try to become like them & it helps me for myself improvement  also .so these are my day to day life schedule but there is a fear within me , I don’t know whether god will fulfill my dream or not . sometimes I can’t faith  on  him as till now whatever I beg I did n’t get , but yes whatever I got may be that is good for me. But I always get something after a lots of problem & struggle, sometimes I ask my lord with teary eyes why my life is so struggling. but  every time I get my answer , may be you can’t believe every time I got my answer through any incident , after that I realize I am the happiest person in this world .

Whenever I cried & prayed before my lord  why people love to torture  me  , why you don’t give  whatever I want , why you break my all dreams , why you don’t support me , what's my fault why you punish me indirectly -

After  that I always get my answer through an example like

1) 1st incident - I saw a small poor kid crying  & begging before everyone for food,  someone was there  behave so rudely & most of them did n’t give him one rupee & 2nd incident - How a small poor kid trembling in cold & suffering from fever, alas! No one was there besides him. so what's their fault , why god punish them ?

2) How small kids are working in railway station. Poor people, their homes & their living style

3) How people are living without money & died at last. 

Many things always came in front in my eyes. But seriously telling , I never marked it  before . but after begging these before my lord I don’t know why I start to mark them, it really astonished me, because when I was child I love to gave my things to poor people that’s why most of time I gave how much I can, even if sometimes i gave my  Tiffine   & my pocket money also. But at that time I did n’t mark these thing what I mark now .which strong my mind & heart & says me repeatedly  YOU ARE THE HAPPIEST PERSON  , AS I HAVE A HAPPY  FAMILY & MOST IMPORTANT  THING IS THAT  I M BLESSED BY GETTING SO KIND & LOVING PARENTS  , THEY LOVE ME MORE THAN ME & MY PARENTS GIVES  ME MONEY FOR FULFILLING  MY  NEEDS  , THAT ALSO SUFFICIENT BUT YES , I DON’T LIKE TO MISUSE MY PARENTS MONEY & I WANNA  BE SELF INDEPENDENT , THAT’S SEPARATE THING < LITTLE EGO PROBLEM ALSO  THERE, AS I DON’T LIKE TO DEPEND SO MUCH , EVEN IF  MY PAPA ALSO TAUGHT ME NEVER LOSE YOUR SELF RESPECT BEFORE ANYONE EVEN IF IN FRONT OF YOUR PARENTS >. BUT THEY ALWAYS TRY TO  FULFILL MY EVERY WISHES , TILL NOW WHAT EVER I BEG THEY GAVE ME EVERYTHING GLADLY , THEY FULFILL MY EVERY NEEDS.  STILL I AM CRYING .STILL I AM SAYING I AM ALONE , STILL I AM SAYING I HAVE NOTHING ,AS  I HAVE  EVERYTHING, STILL I AM DEMANDING   .  THIS THOUGHT CHANGE MY MOOD & MAKE ME HAPPY.

                      But still I miss something , now a days  I wanna to smile but I feel it’s very costly for me & I wanna stay at least one week in a peaceful place  free from any noise & tension . Only peace will be there, I badly need it now. As I feel my life going busy day by day, as it is pre final year & too much tension.  but not for my job but for my aim & dream , I am not worry for getting money as I know I am that much capable to earn money for self independent but I wanna fulfill some dream which is my big headache right now. sometimes I feel like crazy whether I can fulfill it or not as now a days the world is full of competition   , whether I can stand with in them to get my position, can I get what I want, can I get what I wise, can I get after my engineering career or how much time it will take to fulfill it, many questions come in my mind, what are the possible ways. As to reach at one point many ways are there some straight & some curve, so what will be my future. As it is not so easy for a girl , if I’ll be a  boy then there will be no tension for me , as I am a girl every step  I have to take wisely & very seriously .

Sometimes I feel I am changed and then my inner voice says YES!

I can mark it as when I was child my papa always told me “if you  can sit silently five minute,  I will give you a chocolate or anything “. but I always failed ,but  this time I felt I stayed  9 days alone in whole hostel  without talking with anyone ,  after my semester my friends had gone  home except me , yeah some students were there in hostel , but all were my juniors & seniors , my friends were at home. This time I prove my parents & told them YES , I CAN FULFILL YOUR ONE DREAM :P I CAN CONTROL MY MOUTH NOW  , but this is the main reason why I have not so much friend , as  now a days I love to sit silently & wanna talk little . But I didn’t mark how I changed , day by day I wanna talk less & try to talk little how much I can , but from when??? many questions come in my mind , what happened with me so that I changed , but every time I got one answer , “survival of the fittest”  , I have to change as my situation taught me a great lesson . that’s why I can’t blame anyone why people don’t talk with me ,as I am not talking why I expect from them ?  But no one can say I don’t help anyone or I behave rudely. I am not talking or talk little that is separate thing, but I don’t think my behavior or my word s hurts others, as I never try to hurt anyone.  If my friends  think I am doing mistake  by talking less  or can’t give sufficient time to my friends ,  so sorry for that  but I feel   my mistake is  for a good reason. I love my friends  seriously telling  but my problem is I can’t talk more &  can’t give my time to them .

Even if I remember how I gave so much time for style & fashion in my school days , even if after that also & how my  elder brothers love to tease me & how they did mimicry , at that time their teasing irrigate me  ,as they were my big obstacle Becoz they loved to tease , if they found  me in front of mirror , even if they called me as 'Little miss Orissa " :p :D  <IN jock>  , even if most of the time they usually told me in jock <as they knew what I love & what I hate, but they love to see my angry face > that’s why they told me  “how many boyfriends you have , then for whom you are doing make up, anyone is there in your school or college , we have doubts on you”  but this question always irritate me , as I did n’t like that LOVE MATTERS  & I broke my make up box every time for them only . They love to tease me but they knew how I am, but that time I love to do.  but now my situation is totally changed, Now they are telling me to do make up & be like a girl means long hair & do make up …blew blew, even if my family members also suggest me but I don’t know why now a days I don’t want to care myself, I feel it’s worthless, I believe in beauty, but I believe good character , that is inner beauty not external beauty that is most important than external beauty. As anyone can be beautiful, I BELIEVE FOR A BEAUTIFUL PERSON 5 THINGS ARE NECESSARY - HAIR, NOSE, EYES, DRESSING STYLE, SLIM BODY. but now a days it become so cheap as anyone can straight their hair within 3 hours , different make up also there for eyes , plastic surgery also there for a beautiful nose  and dress is depends on you & many make up are there to change your face from the original face . so anyone can be beautiful within one year. So you can’t give challenge on this, but I feel no one can change your character, as it is very costly & no one can change you, if you don’t wanna to change yourself & it’s not too easy , you can’t get it through money also. so I feel my first priority is to be a person what I always dream for ,  beauty is secondary & tertiary thing, I feel if you are not good from your heart then beauty  does n’t matters. That’s why now a day’s my everything goes on priority. now days I understand   how to live , What to give my  1^st priority & what to do next , MY TIME TAUGHT ME A GREAT LESSON & HOW TO LIVE & IMPORTANCE OF YOUR LIFE . Which always helps me to take good decision in my life?

Sometimes there is a fear within me; yeah I am ready to change myself whole! but sometimes there is a fear within  me if my all sacrifice go in vain ! then I feel nervous , after that  one think comes in my heart , that’s believe & faith on my lord “GOD IS NOT SO BLIND” .