.png "My Open Diary")
I realize the importance of
money & fame when I tried to built my own name. I am a
different kind of person which everyone know in my family , I don’t wanna confined
within a boundary , I wanna go beyond my boundary . here boundary doesn’t mean
I wanna cross my valuable limits but I wanna cross those limits which can’t
hamper my parents name but I can get success through that . I am a well known
person to decide what to do what’s not still I seek my parents guidance every time
as they are like my best mentor who suggest me what is good & what is bad. Which
will help me in my life for long term success which will spoil my life?
LAST
FEW DAYS OF MY LIFE
Case One
I am a well experienced person, my 22-23 years
life taught me many valuable life lessons and some I experienced through myself
some through others life. I have seen both success & failure, pain &
pleasure even I have seen how people spoil their life in their own hand, I always don’t let myself to experience I experienced
from others experiences. That’s why I
love to know others life & their past, which helps me to take right decisions,
sometimes my words seems very conservative kind even I know. But I believe some
situation matters, every word don’t valid for every time. in my article MY VOICE OF MODERNIZATION there I have discussed
about dressings sense & pre marriage sexual life & modern culture but for
that I have heard many comments in social media like “I am
an old mentality girl , too conservatives , Muslim girl , belongs to rural area
, poor girl , low status like this many more”. But what I have
told is that wrong; ask that question to yourself too. What I have written is
there anything wrong, you may follow that or not it depends on you but I shared my view , as I have seen my
friends how they actually faced problems from my 12th board to till
engineering last. In 12th board we were not too matured so I have seen
how some of my friends (girls) actually faced big problems for their small
mistakes , so I judge every cases , even I love to
give advice as it’s free :P even I can’t spoil others life , yeah I may
feel jealous but I can’t harm others unnecessarily. I shared my view & what
I experienced from my friends life & I think it’s not a good idea to share
their life as it’s their personal , I love my friends. But what I have seen I
always suggest my fiends not to do same ,that’s all , even I remember in my 11th
board one day one of my friend slapped me as I advised her to stay away from
one guy who don’t deserve her , may be my first & last slapped from a girl
. I feel shame even decided not to give advice to others further but she
finally understand that. What I told may be that is bitter truth but that can’t
harm others. It’s your choice whether you will follow or not but don’t blame me
for that.
Case Two
I always discuss about my past life in social
media even in my blog where I blame my failure life , college & friends ,but from that many people conclude that I don’t like my
college even I don’t like my country that’s why I love to make
friendship with foreigners , I hate my country , I am just like terrorist etc. ok ! Then what I did till now for others,
what! That has no meaning. I did that for my own or I get something from that. Sorry to say I have no interest in politics, I only work
for poor. I don’t want anything in return except their love as this thing I lack
in my life, I always search for love but wherever I look I find fake
& drama. I can’t share my whole story, why I hate. Don’t misinterpret this; I
have no such love issues even I am not harassed by others. It’s my unique
life view & unique judgment u can say, what I can see even understand, it
take time to others to understand. I am
not saying, I have third eye but a well experienced person , people sometimes
call me I over think but it’s not over thinking it’s my own judgment , it’s
true I should not judge more but I love to judge people as I wanna know who is
true to me in front as well as back , till 12-13 years of my life I always felt that
everyone loves me & this world is very loving & kind, but slowly when I
grow up I realized, world is not like that even no one, it possible in some movies,
novels & cartoons , only your parents love you same till your
death except them no one loves you form their heart, some show up to keep the
relation & some just ignore. This is the fact
what I leant from my life ,
so when I help poor people I find a beautiful loving smile whenever they
look at me that’s not fake that’s smile comes from their heart , so I love to
serve for poor people as I also wanna fill the blank place in my
heart . I don’t wanna get rich men’s love , I may make friendship with
all but in return I don’t expect anything but I always expect love from poor
people . as it’s obvious if you are rich people will love you , even one rich
person support another rich person because here they both will be benefited ,
now the world is a kind of business ,where ever you look you’ll find business
everywhere directly or indirectly. Sometimes we indirectly show our love
towards others, it doesn’t mean we love them from heart, its business, we want profit
directly or indirectly, like mutualism. We both depend on each other. so now I
don’t care who loves me or not as my god , my parents & some people love me
that’s enough . I have many haters in my college life but it doesn’t mean I
hate my college , try to understand the story behind every case .you can’t clap
in one hand like that I am not only blaming my friends even I have also
mistakes , so try to find out why I was the victim or how I gained lots of
haters , how I detach from my school friends to college friends , I am sure you will get all the answers , I may be an introvert person but not antisocial ,
everything has reasons , try to understand that . I always
misunderstood by others , so I know the pain of misunderstanding &
unnecessary blaming , my whole life problems begin with one missundersnding ,
that’s why if anyone face same situation I try to help them as I don’t want
what I faced other also face the same. People say “past has no value , forget past & move
on” but when we wanna know someone vividly we have to know their
past first because our past says who we are & how we are , a person’s character
& personality polish through past experience so that’s why a person’s present
character & personality is not their original that’s a modified one so I
always love to know everyone’s past. if I am interested to know about someone , I search them through social media like face book &
twitter then check their all status , posts & check their posts when they
first joined & all the posts & photos till now , from that I can
conclude that person’s personality . This is my way of investigation you can say:
P: D but I admit I do like this to know a person & their past, it valid for
those who are 100% active in social media like m ;) Social media actually help
us in many ways. So here I wanna say, everything has a reason don’t blame
someone unnecessarily .don’t criticize for their past, if you wanna know try to
understand their past, but it will take time. Those who hate you why they will investigate
your past they will say what they like not what’s true. So now I am silent in
all cases but sometimes I raise my voice as I feel it’s better to tell truth
what happened with you, why you tolerate everything. If my condition was
painful in my past life that’s because I always silent in every cases so people
took it as a big advantage.
Case
Three
Now I am talking about globalization , I love
to talk with all , I can talk with anyone even I can love anyone , it’s my life
. If you say also that’s fine , everyone can say about anyone we have got that much
freedom , but I hate why people target me only. I can’t share my all
experiences in internet about social networking violence, as people didn’t say
anything directly so I also think it’s not a good idea to tell something
directly to them too, but I gonna share everything in brief – when I support
other country or their country people & if I try to make friendship with others,
why people criticize & mock me & do my mimicry. Not only or two person,
many people did the same thing with me, they behave me just like I am from
foreign or not known to others even some comments me like international girl –international college,
even one of my teacher also scold me about this indirectly. So I wanna ask to
all- what’s my mistakes & where? many people are living & well settled
in other countries. nobody talk about them, no body blame them like they are
not Indian so why in case of me , even in my blogger when I showed my viewers
list highest from other countries at that time people comment me more than
previous , I faced that many times , finally when I get chance to say I point
on one or two people but my whole concentration was on everyone who ever
commented me before but I got many nasty comments & face social media violence
. What! I have no independence, They have got only independence to say anything to anyone
indirectly so why I don’t get the same independence because I have no name ,
even I am not achieved something. I am a failure personality; I have low status
to them. What the reason then? This is the actual reason, why now days I stop
talking about anything & care about any case, now I only concentrate on
myself only because I learn one lesson people love those who have MONEY & FAME. So
its better I should think about me now, after that I’ll get also support. I can
say anything to anyone indirectly or directly, who cares everyone bow their
head & support you like their don’t know anything. Fact of life.
Case
Four
Lastly I gonna share about community problem issues
– I apologies for my mistakes even I should not say like that about BIHAR &
HARIYANNA people actually I
have no problems with Bihar people but I faced many problems in my school life
for some bihari guys so that’s my view & my experience , I am not saying
all are same . I remember I have told “don’t fight
with bihary people otherwise you will face many problems even there is a chance
to die” I have told because I have seen some cases in RKL, cases
related with my neighbors. so I have told what I have seen but it doesn’t mean
I am saying to all , so now people are trying to use my words on me means – I
am behari & I am violate kind of person. It’s true people are trying to
blame me indirectly like this, but I don’t know how they took it, I share my experiences.
I am not beaming all, even I have many behari friends too, and it doesn’t mean I hate them. It’s not like that, people misinterpreted
my witting .I also don’t know where is my fault. I am not saying Odisha is a
rich state or it is very reputed, I am belongs to all states, I don’t care you
can include me in any state. I love all but don’t use my name in wrong sense.
Yeah , sometimes I used some words due to my anger , as I have many haters if I
tell one many people take it personally even I can’t comment them taking their
name . So whenever I say something many people take it personally which
unnecessarily create many haters in my life.
FINAL
WORDS
I don’t like people hate me unnecessarily or for
any invalid reason. Hate me with valid reason. You love me or not that’s
depends on you but I can’t tolerate if people hate me unnecessarily. When it comes to my professional career issue – I don’t wanna be a politician like as I know I am
not fit for that , I am happy with a simple social worker . I love my
engineering career wanna proceed further with this career, my final destination
is WORK FOR OTHERS not through politics,
engineering is my professional career where I can earn money for my social work,
writing is
my love, it act as my voice, from my heart I am saying “I too love to write, I am an introvert kind
of person so writing helps me a lot to show my emotions & share my story
with all. But I know I am poor in vocabulary means I can’t give much ornamental
words, trying my best to enhance word power”. this blog act as my own diary,
I write everything here,
About writing book issue–
I am the only
person in my family who has a dream to be a writer but who has write books they
have written for educational purpose not for novel purpose, so if I’ll write any
novel my big obstacle is who will edit it as I can’t give much time there, if I
can’t give my time in editing my blog post how can I give time for my novel which
consists of 500-1000 pages minimum even I have no much patience to edit . So
edit my novel is a big headache for me then publisher is another important
issue then my demand – I have many haters so here I may lose the chance to be
in good seller list. I fear if nobody buy my book to take revenge from me ,
which actually makes me worry , even I have no too much money for advertisement ,
I can’t spend lots of my parents money for my book , so I am waiting when I’ll
establish myself & when I gain my name in other field after that I’ll start
my writing. My stories always are based on LIFE, DREAM,TRUE LOVE & STRUGGLE.
Actually I share
my feeling & my pain through my own writing; in brief you can say this.
so my papa always advice me to continue my education as this is my only source
as except my parents I have no any supportive hand . Now I am engaged for my
exam preparation , may be after that I’ll start my work on built my own website
, I have already built my website on
HTML , PHP but don’t publish in internet . even I have knowledge on DOTNET also
, but I wanna built my website in more advance language so for that I need
time to study those language , those languages are far better than PHP &
HTML & more secure .
My
life principle – Don’t be hurry, do whatever you want but that should satisfy
you till your end. So I choose my career as per my goal & interest.
I
have planed but man wishes & god disposes. My god knows what is in my future.
He knows better than me as he has already written my story now he only can do
little modification as per my labor but can’t change my Whole BAD LUCK life.
PS :- DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY - PLZ READ IT FULLY . I AM NOT INTENT TO HURT OTHERS . PLEASE UNDERSTAND ME .
