IS DREAMING A BIGGEST SIN? - PERSONAL LIFE STORY (PART 21)

Dream

What is it?

Can it take someone’s life?

Can anyone become mad for this?

Can anyone spoil their entire life for fulfilling their one dream?

Can anyone sacrifice all to make their dream real?

Does everyone support someone to make his/her dream to come real?

Can’t a girl dream like a boy?

If a girl dream different, will she get support?

I gonna answer all these questions, because everyone knows the basic ideas about dream. Some questions always comes in our mind but we hide it from everyone as we feel it may seem crazy but It’s true most often this questions comes when you see someone become successful but even if you have talent you can’t progress & you can’t get support . At that time these questions may arise in your mind, I am saying because I saw many of my failure friends even now also I feel like this. Even I know my exam is a head I should not think like this but still I can’t stop myself.

What is Dream?

Dream which makes your life worth living, which enrich your life with pleasure, which is a kind of your own soul, you live for that even die. No dream is small or big , all have equal importance as per our talent so I respect all career & dream , but it’s true if someone criticize my dream I also do the same with them, I am different , I love to follow all rules of Gandhiji except this , I can’t tolerate more . I have a limit & some boundary.

Can it take someone’s life?

Yes, it can. If someone expect a lot even do hard labor but finally become failure. I have seen even I am saying about my experience -After failed to get medical I felt like dying still I had to proceed my life so I entered into engineering career with many hopes & dream not at first but after 2 months I make up my mind but there also I couldn’t secure good mark & failure become my best friend at that time I felt like this “to give up my failure life” as I couldn’t tolerate more failure. (But after 2 years of my engineering career I became habituated with my failure life but don’t think I am a 5 & 6 pointer or below as people usually comments me when I say like this. this kind of thoughts were mainly coming when I failed to get medical & 1^st failure in my engineering career)

But some thoughts always protect me to do this –

Why I Came this world then?

What I gave my parents, who gave me everything?

Why God give me this precious life then?

Why should I give up my life let me try again?

Don’t know if miracle happens in my life!

Due to these thoughts even I think about give up my life still I can’t do as I always give me a second chance to pursue my dream, who knows what gonna happens , if god send any angel to help me then, God can’t be so rude. If my God so loveable so how can I be so rude to myself? How can I give up my life for my own mistake? Everyone failed at least once in their whole life period, may my labor is not that much perfect, even I am not the only person many great personalities also there who failure many times still never give up so why should I. let me try again. Even it’s a great suggestion to all never think about give up life it’s a biggest sin before god’s judiciary system , you may think you gonna get relief from this painful life but god will not forgive you for this so better tolerate & move on . Think! One day God will bless u & give you golden result, what you may not expect if you live today.  

Can anyone become mad for this?

It’s not new , I have seen one of my teacher who was very talented even gold medalist but due to failure life he looks like BABAJI means one pair shoes & dress , no shaving + spectacle . But was highly talented but live like this due to his failure life. I have seen many people who live like this even some live like staying in another world means nothing hurts them, no pain, no pleasure & no reaction. Sometimes people also comment me like Multi personality disorder, it means when one person behave like different person. What comments I get many time due to my unusual behaviors. It’s true even obvious even my friends also call me crazy so it’s a common name for me, as I also live like this means - I love to do my work as soon as possible , I love to finish my work according to time, I do my work as per my routine so I can’t give my time to others , I always busy in my work even I have many dream all are relate with different careers, so I try to do many different works at a time & I love to do these even my reactions also different in different situations ,I mainly love to live peacefully even very calm in nature but don’t think it’s my basic / permanent characteristic,  I can be aggressive what most of the people don’t wants to see , because in this state I say only truth for which many people face problem, I become aggressive when I see any injustice or what I hate I can’t tolerate even hide within myself . my big problem is I can’t hide anything within me , it’s a great challenge for me to hide something, I believe truth is truth so why should I hide , one day everyone will know so better tell early ,what’s the problem so I rarely tell lie. When I lie I say it after lying even anyone can catch my lie if that person little closer to me. So I have both sides, so My reaction based on situation. for which people call me multi personality disorder person even some take it mad character , but I know what’s my problem , why people can’t understand me but it’s true I can’t give explanations to everyone every time.  

Can anyone spoil their entire life for fulfilling their one dream? & can anyone sacrifice all to make their dream real?

I have seen  how medical aspirants spoil 5 years (last chance to get medical 5 years in OJEE but in CBSE PMT only 3 chances) from their lives to get one seat in medical even how some people too crazy to get IAS /IPS / SCIENTISTS RANK . These are prestigious positions what everyone wants to get like this I am also saying about me I never take my age or any other issues seriously for my career matter as my career & dream is my first priority, no doubt I started my education very early stage but people always comment me like I spoiled my 2 years time unnecessarily for medical or thinking about biology career (doing ZOOLOGY HONORS & dropped) even now also after engineering , I knowingly didn’t choose to go for jobs no doubt many of my friends & teachers ask me “why U don’t sit in campus placement” sometimes I told lie telling different stories & sometimes I gave some excuses as I knew if I got in campus then I have to do the job because everyone in my family will force me to do job instead of trying for future dream but it’s true my parents always support me to try for my future career. I knowingly gave up, I love to take risks and even I took also many times. I believe I have got one life so why should I think about what others are doing; I should focus on my dream. when my friends got campus , some criticize me even some comments me , there also some suggest me like how to get in campus , what should I read for campus placement , but I never go for appear the exams . It hurt me badly at that time I also couldn’t concentrate my study at that time but I knew why I took this step , I took this step for my future dream , I know I can’t do both work at a time specially where I am not interested. If I entered into job line I can’t think about fulfill my future dream. I know it’s not easy to pursue dream staying in job even I fear if I lose interest after getting money, as everyone wants money after getting money if I forget my dream so I knowingly took this painful step. But now I really think about it , sometimes I feel frustrating as I need money + people for my own unique business based on my study means online helpline center (give you hint about my work as many people doubts what’s my dream actually) + one software+ hardware mix product , I need less money but huge people but now I am a student so where can I get & how can I fulfill my dream then. After 1 month I gonna appear my entrance exam , I should not think like this but force to think as my dream career is important as I wanna pursue my next career in that field & my dream work both are related even different  *computer based* , I can’t say until I achieve that. So I know how I spoiled my life & some career due to achieve my dream. Nobody can understand it except me; I know how much I labor hard. I sacrifice my all pleasure , family , friends everything for my dream now also I am sacrificing , I don’t know what gonna sacrifice in future. But I am ready sacrificing everything to fulfill my dream except some – whom I love a lot.

Does everyone support someone to make his/her dream to come real?

Yes, of course without others support there will be no actor, no dancer, no singer, no comedian, no writer and no politicians in this world. Everyone needs support. But problem is some get huge support due to their own community members. I have seen some community people have too bonding, if you say something to someone then their whole community people unitedly attack on you finally you have to surrender yourself before them even you tell the truth. When that unity lack some place you will surely face problem as for each & every work you need support & motivation. But if you lack that how you think about further progress. So in that situation what you do. Especially if you are from an ordinary family & try your own using your own talent without choosing any shortcut way .so very few people support here, still some also progress due to their own luck & some give up. Those parents have huge money (richest people /millionaire kids)or those who are from celebrity family it’s become easy for them to gain name in society use their talent even they have huge money so they can utilize it whenever & wherever they want. But when you are from ordinary family & you dream something different where as everyone in your family wants you should do a job live like normal but your dream don’t match with that, at that time you neither get full support from your family nor from society as you are not from a celebrity family & who cares if you have not much money. But I feel blessed here at least my parents support me. No talent matters if you have not huge money. This is the bitter truth. What I have seen still some grow up even in worst condition examples - if you will see the background of every successful businessman & celebrity most of them or can say 90% came from medium or poor or very poor family . From Reliance, “Z” Tv group to Apple company even many famous millionaire celebrities. All are from grassroots level . so you can’t predict someone’s future looking at their present.

Can’t a girl dream like a boy?

Ha, it’s a biggest task when a girl dreams like boy. Sometimes people change their gender & doubt on them whether they are bisexual or what? I have seen , nothing new. So I want to ask a question why a girl can’t dream like boy what’s really different between boy & girl, only one X chromosome has different. Then? When a girl try to be different why people blame her, even I have seen some society or community give chance to their girls to grow up like boys even I love KERELA because there you can find lady entrepreneur, scientists etc even great place for women but some places also there where women are bounds to do simple job then marriage. Live like a normal life style. Who cares if she dream, she is a girl so she should behave like a girl. Even society rarely support in this matter, when society don’t support what family can do sometimes family also indirectly don’t support them. So what’s the fault here? Why a girl can’t dream? Is it a biggest sin to born as a girl or is it biggest sin to dream like a boy?

If a girl dream different, will she get support?

I don’t think, I never get support frankly speaking. now I am telling this from my heart , I rarely get support for my dream neither form my institutes or from anyone from my family side but I am so grateful towards my parents as they tried their best to give me best education even they spend much money for my education . but when people call me failure, it hurt me badly as I know my problems why I can’t grow up but I can’t share it with all, some are personal, but if I totally sum up all I can say only one things – everyone support my all works even love me but when it comes to dream matters nobody do even will do I am sure except my parents. Me & my diary only knows that, every day morning I only share my ideas with my diary as my diary only listen me even understand me without any argument except that no one really cares about my dream even wants to listen, if they listen then their after reaction is laughing which hurt me badly so now I stop telling about this. THIS IS BITTER TRUTH. I don’t know what god has written in my life even what gonna happen next. I don’t know what gonna happen in my future but I’ll try my best till my last breath to fulfill it. But I have no much patience even hope due to lack support as what I want I never get that I know what I can do & what I can’t . This world is full of politics – politics in the sense complicated world within that rise is very difficult for me. I have seen many people who support you to do something but if you will do that they first criticize you as they never thought you can do this but when they saw you did they can’t tolerate that’s called complicated world, some people knows what I can & what I can’t still they try to put me in that career, what is a dream for me as I know neither I am suitable for that not I can get that position even I die. Difficult but not impossible but problem is you should be fit with that. Everyone can’t do anyone kind of job. So as a girl I know what’s every girl face, I am not only girl like me many girl kill their dream but I am extremely stubborn .my principle is “DO OR DIE”. There are some girls jobs like IT sector jobs or Doctor or writer or fashion designer, what actually people want what should be a girl’s position. Can’t we think beyond?

PS:- Don’t take it in negative sense , I respect all career even I had also dream to become a doctor even I am an IT professional . I told the fact.

Society & everyone will support you-when you become successful in your unique dream but till that day live like die, as you born with YY chromosome. This is the BITTER TRUE FACT.

AM I RIGHT? 

                              MY ACTUAL DREAMS

In 2015 I gonna appear my important exams which will define my whole life. I don't have interest in Business but I have Business ideas so I am searching a person who can handle all these, I wanna implement my ideas in real life as I know it’s worth. That’s what I actually want. I don’t like to be in spotlight, I want a peaceful life. so I choose research job that’s actually fit with my personality , I love that job , I always pray for get it as I love to do experiment on everything. Even it’s my childhood dream. I wanna do research in genetic using informatics science(wish I get that) because this time I did my MAJOR project alone (Bio nana robot for cancer curing – which was my MAJOR PROJECT -Based on genetic science). So I pray at least I get that field because I know I have lots of interest in genetic field even I know I can develop there , no doubt I miss my all opportunities during engineering joining time but now I wanna rectify my mistakes , actually my relatives show me wrong direction , they told for a girl IT & COMPUTER is best field , 100% job available in India but in Biotechnology fields except Bangalore & somesouth places in INDIA you can’t find biotechnology company & research places . Research job is my dream job because here there is no much competitions among employees & no boss rule etc, peaceful job specially fit with my personality as I love to do my work alone & peaceful environment. I may be in IT sector but I don’t like cooperate fields(heartily saying , some also called me antisocial due to my lonely nature/behavior but I love to live alone & do my jobs peacefully inborn personality , it doesn’t mean I don’t love people & I am a criminal) I love research kind of jobs. But doing business is my dream, but I don’t wanna handle it in future, that’s my problem. I just wants to start it, I want to do business for money for charity (social work purpose *Dream project for poor children + poor old parents*) I need huge money, which I can get through business. So these are my plan , but I know if I’ll marry today I may not fulfill my all dream that’s the reason I avoid . I don’t have faith in INDIAN boys , they may be dominate me to become a House wife (which I can’t be) as I have dream I have to make it real by hook or by crook within my this life . I’ll Write in leisure period, it’s not my passion even I don’t have huge interest (seriously saying). But I wanna pursue my career in Bio field (research work especially on different disease), 2^nd social work. These are my main dream. About business I am searching a business partner (my younger brother is one, he is doing MBA *I dropped for medical + spoil my life in between +3 & engineering, now I spoiled my 1 year for my research oriented dream + GRE +LAW * so now he is elder in education as his dream was to do business from beginning but my medical dream spoiled my half future. Huh, I don’t think aboutthat) but I need others too. Even I have huge interest in law too; I’ll do that in future to help poor people & for my project related works.so I have lots of educational interest but problem is I spoiled my 3 years unnecessarily (2 yrs confuse between medical & engineering & bio field , now 1 year *but this year I knowing stayed at home to get mental peace for 1 year , as I know how was my mental status after finish myengineering. My papa wanted I should go Delhi for coaching but I told him I am ready to loss 2 years from my life but no hostel life further. I am a different personality, I can’t tolerate HATE, NONCOOPERATION & RUDE BEHAVIOR .THESE ACTUALLY HURTS ME BADLY*)

So I gonna appear my exams, let see what’s result I am getting. College + my dream field is matters a lot for me, if I’ll not get I’ll try for next year but along with job. as I can’t sit at home , I feel shame on myself even my parents feel offended for me when my relatives asking them“didn’t she get placement in IIIT” they felt like getting a job is everyone’s dream. But I have to do if I’ll not get my favorite colleges & dream filed. I m not worry for my age now I am 22+ or 23 years , people do MBA & M-TECH in 28-30 years too. Let me try to get better college. But problem is if I lose my patience then I can’t get that further so I have to complete my whole study before my marriage ;) as I don’t know if I’ll get chance or not after marriage . If I’ll not marry that’s separate thing but if I’ll marry then? I am just praying before my lord gives what I deserve, I don’t expect less or more. I need what I deserve. I love a peaceful life with doing something for society. I don’t wanna be in spotlight , I need to do something for someone who will remember me till they take breath . I want that. THESE ARE MY ACTUAL DREAMS. So don’t be confused with politics / writer / journalist fields. These are Nobel even demanded & prestigious professions but I am not fit for these even less interest. So I can’t progress here. I love experimental work that also in Biology field + computer & social work even match with my sun sign http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shatabhisha Ha ! :P

These are my views, don’t take it personally!!!