CRIMINAL PERFECTIONIST

I tend to strive for perfection. That is a mistake. I have the urge to be riskier, to dream, to try and fail, to succeed and learn.

Are perfectionists extinct from this present world or some rare people still exist who believes in perfection and work on it?

Let’s have a discussion on this -

Sometimes people confuse with the word perfection and they perceive it in different ways – some take it in professional life, some take it in personal life and some take it in both the life like professional as well as personal life.

But, how far being a perfectionism in this imperfection world is good for you-

The people with hardcore perfection phobia can give the best answer to this question.

Perfectionism is a phobia of mistake making. It is the feeling that If I make a mistake, it will be terrible, some kind of guilt feeling always comes inside before going for any wrong deeds.

Like I am saying –

I can’t drink alcohol, can't smoke and I can’t do such things which I feel bad for me and for my future even though I had/have thousands of scope still I am not doing, even I can cheat my parents easily still I prefer to stay loyal to them no matter how much fights we have :P as I am wise enough to take the right decisions for me and my future. These activities don’t make me a saint or this kind of behaviour doesn’t let me towards success still I can say it is always best for me.

You most probably doubt that – I might be poor or I may not have much alot friends, that’s why I couldn’t have such things.

Is it?

Let me clarify your all doubts -

The truth, even you can verify as well –

I left my home after my 10^th and joined in a college which was quite far from my home, nearly 8-10 hours journey to reach my home, that’s why I rarely prefer to go until unless it was not a major holiday.

I was staying in the hostel so my parents usually gave me enough pocket money to spend for books, foods and clothes, which I could misuse also as I was teenage by that time, I started my 11^th grade in the age of 15 years. This is an age, where you wanted to explore each and everything- I had money and I was far from home, and I am not that much ugly too.

After my 12^th from KIIT Science College, I joined in Engineering in IIIT (International Institute Of Information Technology). When an engineering student says he/she doesn’t drink or smoke or go pub or do parties etc, you most probably doubt and think about his/her sexuality or doubt about his/her financial background etc. How it is possible when someone says I am an engineering student still I don’t drink and smoke, is it possible?

Yes, it is. But I always have an alternative method, my close friends are well known about my shopaholic nature, I spend my money on my dress and foods that’s why market building (Bhubaneswar) was my favourite place ever. I spoiled my engineering career with loneliness and as a social worker.

Then MBA – full focus on the growth of self like yoga and study. These 2 were my life over there.

So, you might be thinking, how is it possible to sustain like this? And what are the benefits of it -

Ha, that’s why my parents always say me – you are a unique piece.

The way I can maintain this –

I always make friends with likeminded and I always love to keep little distance from all those stuff which I don’t like. That’s why, even though I am neither antisocial nor unsocial still some take me in this way, as I suffered from being perfectionism. Which all most killed me inside and make me a misunderstood personality as well.

My most preferred career is marketing – the wrong combination with my personality, I may be good at my work. Neither I drink or smoke but somehow I can manage with food as I am non-vegetarian. (even though I belong to Brahmin caste*caste least matters*)

Sometimes people (mostly my parents to my friends) expect me to be like this-

·        I should not drink or smoke or being duplicated or complicated still I need to be successful in the career. (My Parents)

·        Without going outside and without having a wrong friend circle still I should have friends, which is *rare. (My Parents)

·        While listening to insulting words still you can manage your anger and behave like nothing has happened. (My Parents and My Friends)

·        Other can ruin my name, spread rumours and tell whatever they want and interfere in my personal life but I should behave like I don’t exist, I have no right to say anything back to them about their personal life. (My Parents and My Friends)

Sometimes when people expect this from me – I ask myself one question – AM I GOD or ANIMAL or WHAT?

One side I am crazy about my dreams, for that, I give my 100%. I work hard and I can do whatever I can or within my limit. Which leads to politics and so many conflicts. But I am a unique one so that I can solve any problem without having friendship and without having conflicts and without having drama and without being complicated and without being spoiled myself. Is it possible – then how?

Every time I judge myself – I find out one thing which has the power to spoil me is – Being perfection in my way and being the hard-core truthful personality in wrong time.

So this is what I faced in real life being a perfectionist –

So what actually being perfectionist looks like -

The desire to be perfectly put many people in difficulties and which eventually dooms them to unhappiness. Perfection recommends a state of purity or in other words, you can say without any defects. Those individuals who strive for perfection are deeply sensitive to the judgments of others and sometimes these judgments are most often imagined as well, as they don’t want to be criticized or blamed for what they have not done.

The construct of perfection has no basis of validity.

So if your perfection challenges your life, then you need to think about it – what I am thinking right now. At the age of 27 years, now I am planning to change myself in a positive way with perfection (of course I can’t get out of it. It give me pain still it is worth enough to follow for me and for my future as well).

·         Your way of perfectionism: Always be aware of your perfectionistic patterns of thinking and behaviour, and how it effects on your life and those around you. No one is 100% perfect in this entire world, everyone has a certain weakness and hidden problem which they may n’t discuss with all. When a perfectionist, do something wrong than their as usual lifestyle then it’s a serious question that WHY? Within one day no one can change his/her personality and no one can change over a night or in a month, which factor trigger him/her to take this step. You can judge anyone clearly if you know their whole life step by step, EVERY ACTION HAS AN EQUAL AND OPPOSITE REACTION, It actually happens in our real life as well, what actions we take that has a link without past.

·         As a perfectionist: You don’t like to involve anyone in your problem circle, so in this scenario - Be kind to yourself. Sometimes you just can’t tackle a problem, that’s ok, it doesn’t mean that you’ll never be able to, it just means that you can’t right now. Take your time and think about the solution, as any sudden decision making may lead to wrong steps.

The drawback of being perfectionism isn’t just that it holds you back from being your most successful, productive self but also have been linked to a long list of clinical issues like depression and anxiety, social anxiety disorder and agoraphobia, obsessive-compulsive disorder, insomnia etc.

Perfectionism is also dangerous. According to the World Health Organisation, it has been recorded that the numbers of young people are experiencing mental illness, depression and anxiety are more common in the US, Canada and the UK now than a decade ago as parents are more concerned about present changing environment, due to media and internet, parents are quite aware of what is good and what is bad, what their children are doing and what others are doing. Whether it is foreign or India, no culture allows any kind of bad activities which can create a bad future. People who have social anxiety were more likely to become perfectionists – but not vice versa.

Sometimes we confuse between what is good and what is bad – maybe it is culture conflict?

In my next article – I gonna write culture conflict. It is all about no culture is bad or good, it is all about how we grow up and it is all about our past. For example – Killing animal during Durga Puja is a culture but no religion allow violence and animal cruelty. But at the same time we eat non-veg and many animals, reptiles and insects are killed every day as they are being used in many medicines as well. If we go for the discussion, vegetarian vs non-vegetarian, which is good, you can't get any perfect conclusion of it. You can't get anything pure in this populated world. No full organic vegetable and pesticides used vegetables are causing many diseases, whereas fresh fish is good for health. So what we can do here. Carnivorous animals eat meat, we are omnivorous, and we can eat anything. But I always believe in one thing – it doesn’t matter whatever you eat or not, but that should have some limit. Don’t kill all animals and don’t use more pesticides as well. So through this, I want to say, whatever my culture is and whatever rules were made – it was all for the betterment of society, but slowly gradually it was changed over the period. If you judge the past with the present, you can analyse each and everything, slow changes seem big after a year. Everything has a reason or everything has a valid answer – WHY IS IT HAPPENING ?
So it is all about human psychology, I love to study human psychology and how human behave, and most of the answers I find out from the past only. There is no sudden change in anything. It takes years.