CALM DOWN

Calm down!

Oh my mind just calm down!

Yes, friends most of the time I also say this thing to my mind. As I know it always speak a lot even if it never listen me…my heart & mind is not in my control. What they both decide I do that. I am very moody, stubborn, emotional, fluctuating mind, confuse many thing I have many bad habits like these. Seriously telling for this I always face problem. I don’t know what to do in my life?

You people may laugh at me, but it true. I am very confuse & can’t decide anything for my future. Because I wanna do everything in my life. Even if I can’t control my emotions… so I gonna say why I say to my mind & heart CALM DOWN!

When I was child <9-10 yrs old > I love to paint as I love cartoons & I love different colors, it makes s a different kind of pleasure. Even if I too love music & I love to worship god, I was very religious when I was child. so I always told my DRAWING AUNT when I will be in your age I’ll teach my students painting & sketches & I’ll never beat anyone, as she was too loving & good . Even if I wanna be a singer as I too love music.

When I grew up, I saw a grand mama was ill even if my grand papa also &  I always mark  how doctor do their treatment , as I love my grand mama & grand papa too much so I always sit beside them . at that time my papa always told me one thing- see how is  your grand papa’s & grand mama’s condition one day will come we will be like that , if u will be a doctor then you will always take care of us & we will live a longer life with you. At that time one thing comes in my mind if I’ll be doctor then I can cure anyone, my parents will be always healthy till their death. This was my first motto , as I didn’t know more things about MEDICAL at that time . After that my dream change I tried my best to become a doctor. Then my papa & mama always encourage me to become a doctor. From my childhood days I love to serve poor people, so my papa always motivates my mind to do that. Even if he always told me if you will be doctor then you can freely check the poor people. Even if we <my papa & me > have planned many things, if I’ll be a doctor then what we will do, means many things for poor people. To get that I tried my best but unfortunately I fail to get that. My all planning & dream became like dream.       

After that I had no dream & I had no any planning, as I was the eldest one so no one was there to guide me what to do & what I should read , except my parents . Even if my family is a very small family. I knew that MEDICAL is the only way to help or serve the poor people in a prestigious way. I had no any other ideas. Yeah, I knew about social worker. but my aim was different , I wanna earn something & I wanna do something for them from my money even if my AIM is different from social worker . It doesn’t mean I am money minded, it’s a different kind. When it will be fulfill at that time I’ll tell the whole world what I actually means to do & I always wanna live an independent life. So I choose medical. so after entering into engineering line I had no any other options, I lose my favorite subject & my dream, although it’s my decision , but I was not happy with this (at first). But after entering into engineering career, I felt NO ! now also I can achieve it. No doubt for MEDICAL it’s a kind of straight line to reach at my goal, but it’s a kind of CURVE & STONY WAY, but I can reach at my dream. so  I planned what to do suddenly one thing come across in my mind I’ll read law along with engineering , for that I had brought CLAT book, see it  

…even if I had started preparation for that . As I was so much frustrated from engineering line, at the starting stage of my life & I couldn’t say to anyone. I choose to read law , as I saw many injustice happened with me , so I wanna be a lawyer so that I can fight for myself <career matter>  , as I can’t tolerate anything wrong / injustice . Which always motivates me to become a lawyer & give them punishment who are destroying the student’s life & can’t understand a student’s emotion & labor, how much their career / dream matters for them & second one is- I can fight for poor people. But this kind of fluctuating mind  always hampers my study.

but  one day I saw one thing through social media , means I read one article , which changed my mind. further I decided  NO ! I’ll concentrate my study only means engineering line. here I can do everything what I actually wanna do .I wanna give a big thanks to that article which change my mind & give me new idea how to reach at my goal . From that day I start loving engineering line & I am focusing on it…even if seriously telling I wanna give something to my world…I wanna do something new. Even if when I was child from that day I am very curious & I love to do new things. So I feel its A GREAT OPPORTUNITY TO SHOW MY TALENT. Because now an engineer can make the world beautiful theory their knowledge. Hope my PAST failures should not affects my future or dream. Hope for the best, wish! one day my God listen me help me to fulfill my dream along with my actual dream . sometimes I demoralize whenever I feel  my dream is dying in front of me . As I can’t tolerate my failure more or injustice .

NO ! NEVER … AS NOW MY DREAM = MY LIFE WHATEVER YOU CAN SAY.

THAT’S WHY I NEVER COMPARE MYSELF WITH OTHERS AS I KNOW WHAT I WANT , WHAT I CAN BECOME , WHAT’S MY MOTTO , WHO I AM ..I AM DIFFERENT FROM OTHERS , WHAT I WANNA BE MAY BE OTHERS DON'T WANT THAT , WHAT I AM GOING TO SUFFER MAY BE OTHERS CAN'T TOLERATE THAT, IT MAY TAKE SOME TIME , MAY BE OTHERS HAVE NOT THAT MUCH PATIENCE  , SO HOW CAN I COMPARE MYSELF WITH OTHERS EVEN IF HOW THEY .

I HAVE FAITH ON MYSELF . I DON’T CARE THE WORLD WHAT OTHERS ARE TELLING / DOING . EVEN IF I DON’T CARE MY FAILURE AS I KNOW IF YOU DON’T FAIL THEN HOW CAN YOU KNOW THE MEANING OF WIN / PLEASURE . SO I WANNA BE A FAILURE PERSON SO THAT IT CAN HELP ME TO WIN IN FUTURE LIFE WITH EXTRA KNOWLEDGE. I GIVE MORE EMPHASIS ON KNOWLEDGE THAN SUCCESS. 

AS I KNOW KNOWLEDGE IS DIRECTLY PROPORTIONAL TO SUCCESS & KNOWLEDGE IS DIRECTLY PROPORTIONAL TO FAILURE. SO I LOVE MY LIFE HOWEVER IT IS. BUT IT’S TRUE THAT IN EVERY STAGE OF MY LIFE I WANNA BE SOMETHING DIFFERENT.

But now my mind is constant & I want only one thing & that’s my life.

But THIS ALSO TRUE –

I WANNA DO EVERYTHING HOW MUCH I CAN , I DON’T MISS ANY CHANCE TO SHOW MY GOD GIFTED TALENT …I WANNA UTILIZE IT FULLY , AS I KNOW I HAVE GOT ONLY ONE LIFE. SO HOW CAN I WASTE IT!

SO Now I wanna be

A Good engineer + good person + social worker = MY DREAM

BUT FOR THIS I WANNA GIVE A GREAT THANKS TO MY FAMILY – 

AS THEY ARE LIKE MY 2 EYES & 2 HEARTS . THEY ALWAYS HELP ME & SUPPORT ME WHENEVER I WANT. ALWAYS STAND WITH ME WHEN I NEED BADLY . THANKS A LOT MY SWEET MAMA & PAPA …LOVE A LOT … EVERYDAY I  PRAY BEFORE MY "GOD" – I WANNA STAY WITH MY PARENTS TILL MY LAST BREATH . AS I KNOW NO ONE IN THIS WORLD WHO CAN UNDERSTAND ME OR LOVE ME LIKE MY PARENTS. SO I WANNA STAY WITH THEM.AS I KNOW THEIR LOVE IS PURE & UNCONDITIONAL . EXCEPT THEM I NEVER FIND ANY KIND OF PERSON WHO IS LIKE MY PARENTS. SO THEY ARE MY LIFE & EVERYTHING FOR ME . 

MY 1^ST & LAST LOVE & MY LIFE .