.png "My Open Diary")
HATE?
What is it?
Can you correlate between jealous & hate?
Yes,
there is a great relationship between these two. Continuous
jealous convert into hate after a period of time.
Hate vs. jealously
When
we hate someone we don’t fear to do the crime but when we feel jealousy
sometimes we fear to take any wrong steps. It’s easy to conquer over hate, but
not easy for jealously. As we hate someone for many reasons, like - sometimes for some misunderstanding or for hurting
someone badly etc. but we can conquer over our haters if we start loving
them & try to convince them that we love them & wanna make friendship
with them. But when it comes to jealousies person, human
jealous is never ending – we feel jealous either for beauty or talent or education or money or name & fame.
So jealous is of much form & not easy to conquer because a jealous person
never shows they feel jealous except some, so we can’t read someone’s mind. Continuous jealous convert into hate one day & that leads to crime.
In
our day today life we all feel jealous or feel inferior to our superiors , whom
we actually take as our competitors. we try our best to down someone even
sometimes we ready to pay something big to down our competitors. Now world
become so competitive we all forget about humanity & love.
Within
15 years of my life what lessons I couldn’t learn , within 7 years I learnt
everything. Especially my engineering life helped me a lot to know the world better.
I face different situations & learn different lessons either in school or
college (11-12th board) life. But my
engineering life helped me to become a matured personality.
From the beginning of my life I can’t tolerate anything wrong,
lie & injustices. For that reason I faced even facing many obstacles,
now also I am ready to fight with whole world to do something great . My education is my main weakness that’s why I face lots
of problem related to it; I can tolerate everything except bad result. My
life become just like hell in my engineering career as I never bow my head
before anything wrong, I always fight for right.
There are many truths in our day today life which we don’t wanna share & every
time it’s not for personal benefit, sometimes it’s for others too.
My life is unique, my all problematic life truth relate with my
education & friendship matter.
How
can I forget those days –how my friends spoil my exams knowingly , during every
exam time at least one problem I surely face, I become so busy to solve that I
forget about my study ,which indirectly hamper my education badly.
Many
semesters were there -when I sat in chair with a
paper in my exam hall with teary red eyes not for I had not prepared as for room
disturbance during exam time.
I still remember after my 2nd semester result publish I promised I’ll not talk with anyone , I’ll
concentrate in my study as I wanna change my branch but due to shortage of
percentage I couldn’t. Which hurt me badly; even I know that was a plan, but
who wanna listen me as everyone becomes tried of listen my complains. Read my article
“MY LIFE LIKE AN OPEN DIARY” there you can get everything about me. My dream, my character & my career means a lot for me
than anything in this world. I can’t forgive & forget those who try to
spoil me through these.
`
I
can’t forget my 3rd semester time; I came home for exam preparation.
I was confident that I’ll perform better in my exam but during my exam time I
face such drastic situations which I can’t forget(problem creates by my own
friends) even that time my roommates & their friends who were disturbing me
continuously they all saw my angry face for the first time. As one day gap was
there for C++ EXAM, I am trying to concentrate whereas their disturbance +
indirectly mocking kind of words hurts me badly & I lost my concentration every
time. they all always beat me in my weak point like - I was 2 years dropper for
medical but no one knew I was already a ZOOLOGY
HONORS HOLDER – dropped in 3rd
year, more educated than them but didn’t told them about that. Otherwise
they will disturb me more. I didn’t get medical which hurt me inside every time
but they all comment me on that like I am old. ALAS
I was 1 & 2 years younger than my friends when I was in KIIT, as I
started my education from very early age. Even I
didn’t complete my 3rd standard & jump to 4th
standard with a supplementary exam of 3rd standard, why?
There also one reason. As where my family shifted there was no school except
one Oriya medium school from 4th standard, so I jumped from English
medium to Oriya medium .onside I started my education from early age another
side 1 class dropped. So everyone laugh at me like
I am old , whereas my parents marry in the year 1989, this year my parents
celebrate their 25th anniversary , how can I born before. They
should have at least this much common sense. Still, I manage, every time offended kind of words due to not getting
medical & age issue, I was purely killed from mentally. I didn’t get
medical after 2 years at least I got 5000 rank on
physics & chemistry mark basis. They should feel shame they were preparing
for IIT but got 1000/2000 rank. My problem is I
never try to hurt anyone so I always get hurt from everyone. Getting
medical is not easy in 2008-9 time as seats were less near about total government
seat 3000; some are getting too difficult like AIIMS. So student prepare for 5 years
for getting one seat for medical & 2 year drop is general in medical case.
Now it become easy as seats number becomes more. So I faced lots of criticizing
words & my problem is I rise in a small family which consists of only 4 members
,where I never face such situations , so when I see these for the first time my
brain couldn’t handle that. Even my problem was I never got such trusted worthy
person with whom I share everything from my heart. Which
was a main reason behind my depression in hostel? I faced lot of problems,
even some of my friends share about my age &
not getting medical in their facebook comment & status. They tried their best
to down my name just like I was the entertainment for them. My friend
circle was not so strong, I had friends but no one had power to fight with them,
they knew my weakness so they told whatever they want. When
I felt that, No! I can’t tolerate more I started writing. They torture
me in hostel, I torture them through blog, for this some of my lectures also
started to hate me but I didn’t have any other option. I
felt that I have to fight with them alone so I choose media as my best friend.
But during my 3rd semester my friends make my life just like hell
they use media to spoil my name like I am committed whereas that was totally
fake, I remember at that time my situation become too bad I doubt on everyone even
one of my facebook friend who helped me a lot to built my STOP CHILD LABOR GROUP. Every time I doubt on him (Dheeraj Kumar), finally he couldn’t tolerate me
& break his friendship & left the group. But in the end I got to know everything was
done by my college friends. Some seniors also involved here like (Sudeep _._ bhai)
who told me not to post like this in social media. But I lost my all
consciousness at that time, as everyone spoiled my exam; my all labor went in
vain. Now also you can get some posts 2012 posts in
my facebook group – Stop child labor. Some I deleted some may be there .
I lost my many friends In social media & real life, for my college friends.
Many incidents are there related to my engineering life, if I’ll elaborate that
will become like a book – how my friends torture me during exam time. in 6th semester time - WET exam paper was hard still I
performed better so I was happy , may be my roommates couldn’t tolerate that so
in the next day morning they told me to leave the room for permanently , just
like they were preplanned to spoil my exam ,at that time, I didn’t know with
whom I gonna stayed in last year as everyone were happy with their roommates if
some are not still they adjust but I have got a unique room & roommates ,
they wanted I should beg them like beggar to stay with them in that room , they
wanted I should bow my head & live like a mouse , what I couldn’t. No doubt
I left that block even my roommates but my problems
didn’t end there – I came to junior
block there also , I faced many problem like – during my exam time my side room
junior students listen music with high volume in late night like 1 o’clock as I
was in 5th floor I couldn’t call lady matron too. Some also there
who talk day & night with their boyfriends near to my room as my room was
in last of my block. They can talk in another place still they talk &
disturb me as our exams were in alternative days. They get chance to disturb
me. So I faced lots of problems related to my education , if I hate my friends that’s because of spoiling my career
knowingly & some knowingly try to down my image before my lectures &
social media.
Do
you think I was silent when they spoil my career & name , I am not that
much good or innocent , they tried to spoil my
career I also wrote about how question paper leak & how student become 8 &
9 pointers after getting question papers & how BPUT HELPED THEM (it’s about 1st , 2nd &
3rd year mid, years as after that our college become deemed &
become renown like other IIIT in INDIA , unique name + brand. Previously it was
a good government college collaboration with Odisha Government and Central Government). But this is true I never get any leaked
question paper as no one loves me & want to see my success so nobody tell
about me till the exam end even they know if I’ll get know about that I may complain
before my lectures. So after exam end I got to know about question paper leak
& in which subjects. Many student were there who loves to cheat means ask
their friends all question answer during exam time. They spend time roaming with
their boy friend / girl friend but during exam time they write all answer
copying from front side friend or who sit in their side or back side friend. I
never cheat from anyone still I always criticized & get less mark. Sometimes I feel like honesty has no value in present world.
If you
are honest you have to pay a lot for that , people always doubt on you &
you have to show the proof every time of your honesty. So there as
many incidents which unbearable for me even something was there which really
unbearable for them too like - I was a sincerer student , I don’t care who ever
submit their project or not or presentation or not , I always ready for that
even whole class don’t present I present by myself alone. Which was the another reason behind why my friends hate
me, I never follow others I follow my path, but after exam I get less
mark as compared to my sincerity & work , sometimes it hurts me sometimes I
adjust with that. Till now no teacher or lecture can blame me like I am
disobedient & not sincere , I feel
proud on myself but when it come to result I get less (LAB MARK).
There are many question always arise in my mind, why people hate
me – am I too good: P or too bad J , it’s
true! I never follow wrong path or crowd for getting success, I follow my path.
In last semester some of my friends buy major project & some go for
coaching classes. Whereas I did all projects under my project guide with
regular updates. Whereas some got 90 mark even they
buy it but I got 85 doing alone & without cheat, may be for my bad
performance in my engineering career I got this much mark but this also true , printer
uncle spoiled my project copy. my page numbers couldn’t print well even after
spend 600-700 rupees for one project copy I have to
bind 2 copies so 1400/- spend, money don’t matter but I don’t have
patience & time to print my project copy that was my major mistake . Otherwise
all were fine. After my all entrance exams I have
planned to publish my 2 project paper – MAJOR & MINOR , as when I
was in college I didn’t have time to publish , as I was busy for my entrance preparation
+ self study for semesters + project work. Now after my entrance I’ll get 2
months time I’ll complete my project. I’ll publish
through my project guide as she helped me a lot. I’ll always grateful
towards her.
So
my life is full of problematic & I am very controversial person either it’s
for TERRORIST ISSUE or WOMEN SECURITY OR CAREER
ISSUE , but if you’ll judge all issues you’ll get know whatever I told
or write everything is for good purpose , I don’t know how people pretend this.
But I never do anything which can harm others still I am a great hated person,
which hurt me most of the time. even many time I ask one question to my lord –
why people hate me , I tried my best to win everyone’s heart , still I can’t .may
be I am strict in my rule but I never harm others but I get harmed from others.
AM I BORN IN WRONG TIME?
UNIQUE PERSONALITY & UNIQUE STORY!!!
