MY SOCIAL MEDIA LIFE-PERSONAL LIFE STORY (PART 25)

I joined in social media like facebook in 2010 -December and https://www.facebook.com/sweta.panda?ref=tn_tnmn this is my 3rd number facebook account. 1st one hacked after that I couldn’t access that account , now that is closed for permanently , In 2nd one https://www.facebook.com/sweta.leena.3?fref=ts  I accept many people whom I didn’t even know even chat with many people in this account at that time my present Facebook account act as fake account but one time came I decided to deactivate my 2nd facebook account as I didn’t know how some of my friends get know my facebook password as I login different laptops even college computers too during practical :p then I decided to make my fake account into permanent & after that I never login in other laptops & college computers then I Changed my name , whole information & make it my original facebook account . Even at that time I was in orcut too, ha, funniest social networking site . I never use that. This also funny, how I checked my friends name in Google then checked in which social networking site they joined then I joined there too. I didn’t know what I’ll do there even I don’t like chatting from beginning but joined because if my friends will laugh at me as I am only in one social networking site like facebook  then I can say them, yes ! I am also in different social networking site. As I joined in social networking sites after entering into engineering. Funny but true. I knew about this but not have so much interest in social networking sites  even I joined because of stay connected with my school time + college time friends as I lost my contacts with my loving friends , I remember I was so excited when I joined in facebook for the first time didn’t know what to post & whom I’ll send friend request , it’s true that I had some ego problem  , I never send friends request to anyone from my side now I send to all but GOOGLE was even is my all time favorite in internet search engine as it helped me a lot in school + college life.

In Twitter & linkedin  I joined in 2012 , but what 2013 whatever account I created all are my permanent , now my all accounts are permanents , even now I have 5 GMAIL accounts with 2 phase security system to save myself from hackers. Hackers love me a lot don’t know why , that’s why I learn hacking in 2013 because when my 1st facebook account hacked I request many of my friends who knew it but nobody helped me which hurt me badly , after that I decided to help myself & learn hacking so that I can save my accounts properly even one of my seminar paper was on hacking . I always do those work where people refuse me to help , but day by day how m time passed I got less help but faced more problems so I decided to learn everything & become master in everything so that I can give better answer to others & solve my problems alone.

At first social media helped me like a pain relief. In social media I make friendship with many different people & share my hostel life pain & problems even some also give me better suggestions & make me smile. Some of them are my college life friends & some unknown. As I couldn’t share my problems with anyone in hostel ,my problem is - I always cheated from my friends even whom I’ll say & who will solve my problems. I always fear if someone face problem for me , so I always handle my problems alone, as I knew those who are my close friend list if I’ll beg them help , they may not refuse me but they will face problem for me as their branch students are torturing me then how they can fight against them , even if I say anything against their branch some of my friends also don’t like it as it’s about their branch matter. So I stop sharing my problems with my close friends , In my branch I have less friends with whom I talk or can share my problems as in my block only 2 students were from my branch so I less in contact with my branch friends , except 1 or 2. Like Bhumi– she was from my branch but still she also face problem sometimes as she was my close friends so I always take decisions looking at them. So in final year I choose to live alone without any of my friend as I spend my 4 years life near about lonely life without sharing my pain with anyone except my blog , yes ! sometimes I share my pain with KIRAN & BHUMI , they can’t help me much but at least listen me . so I joined in social media to get my old friends back as I missed them in my painful period but one day came in my life this social media took my  all friends from me , I don’t know who did that. Sometimes I feel like everything just happened yesterday. When I lost my all friends I change my Facebook privacy system & make my friendliest “only me”– near about 2 years my friends list was on “ONLY ME” privacy, recently 7 days before I further changed it to public due to some reasons. I changed my friendliest privacy only me as I grouped my friends in my friendliest – in that time anyone can see your grouping in friendliest, like I have grouped my friends like KIIT FRIENDS,  COACHING FRIENDS, SCHOOL FRIENDS, CLOSE FRIENDS, so may be some people  got my friends information from my friendliest then break my friendship with all , it may seems imaginary even I also felt like it’s my imagination at first but after chatting with 2 of my close friends I got to know something different . so after that I changed my privacy even I decided not to talk with anyone & only concentrate on study & started working in social work through social media but my life became more painful when I started making friendship with some popular people or good people , my intention was to make friendship to fulfill my dream indirectly as they also involved in social work + business kind of work but finally I decided to not to stay in contact as many of my friends ruin my name in social media , after that I decided to make friendship with those with whom my friends can’t join my name even can’t say anything about my character , at that time I saw Cory booker sir in facebook 2012 last , his status are very inspirational , slowly I start my contacts with others as I wanna do something even I planned my project from that time but didn’t know how to start up so I follow everyone & love to stay connect with , at least I gain something from them & their life. But didn’t knew that was the starting phase of my painful life then after that I never get support even sympathy from anyone. Slowly I became hated person in college even also one of my lecture also commented on this as I am not studying & I become foreigner. which hurt me , as he is my lecture , he should not say like that even that was my social media life not my real life, in my real life if anyone check the outing register he/she hardly find my name once in a month for outing. Whereas how he can say like this for social media, which depress me but those who hate me they became very happy , so some started torturing me more after that case as they felt that I am not getting support even from my lectures too even at that time whom I’d say my problems & what I explain them? if I’d say something he/she took it imaginary & some thought that , I can’t perform well so unnecessarily blame others. But 1 mem & 1 sir was there whom I love from my heart. As I feel they also understand me & listen me. it doesn’t mean I get better mark , I get how much I deserve but they helped me a lot , understand me even never laugh at me where few lectures were there who start laughing whatever I say to them just like I am a joker.  No one was serious what I was actually facing , I am not saying they would punish those who torture me but at least trust on me , but I can say most of my teachers also there who listen me , but they couldn’t help me as I have seen it’s a kind of noncooperation type. If a teacher support me  or praise me then some students start bunking his/her classes even start disturbing that class (It doesn’t mean I am a brilliant student or a 9 pointer but I never misbehave anyone even if any lecture scold me I tolerate that silently. Except injustices). I clearly visualize that so in final I stop show my love towards some lectures as I love them so much & I didn’t want any disturbance in their classes.  So my whole life spend in lonely who helped me they all face problem directly or indirectly, where as I never do anything with anyone. I always focus on my work & my duty. I may strict with my principle but no one can say I harm others or torture others or scold others or create problem for others. Whereas everyone always busy in making hole for me. Now I think my lectures are in relax mood as I gave tension to all teachers for my problems, as I can’t solve my problem & cry before some lectures whom I actually love so much. I always take my lectures my friends means I respect them but those who love me I share everything with them & always try my best to achieve more mark in those subjects , here that lecture also get benefited as many of my friends hate me so if I try to get good mark in their subjects my friends try their best to get better mark , so overall all get better mark or sometimes some students knowing leave the blank paper in exam hall, I visualize everything but always ask god what’s my mistake , I never do anyone. What they want , I’ll follow them , I can’t , I have a dream & I always wanna make my dream real. I know if I’ll concentrate only on my study then nobody will hate me , if I’ll concentrate on one particular work then I’ll get huge support but due to my diversified work interest many hate me may be they can’t tolerate me or they think I am attracting others through this whereas I don’t deserve that much. So overall I can say I have no friends , my painful life started from my engineering college , I spend my life lonely as I never wanted either any lecture or my close friends face problem for me. I love my college very much as it helped me a lot even gave me single beded room in last year as per my request whereas no one get that chance. I’ll be always grateful to them but what tortured I got from my friends & from others (juniors + seniors) I can’t forget that in my whole life. Seriously. As it gave me pain in core of my heart. My engineering life performance is not bad as compare to my others educational career still I am not happy as some intentionally make me failure personality, I know how I spend my 4 years alone, kind of lonely life.

But after joining in socialmedia I felt that I got life in engineering , I was also living when I was not in social media but my time was different, I joined in social media nearly about 4 years before but become so addicted just like drugs , it acts as my pain relief medicine as when everyone left me in college it make me happy & gave me friends but now I think I am not happy also here. As some take advantage of my name to spread rumors, some get fun to make me angry, as they well know I am short temper person. I become entertainment part for others , which actually hurt me , recently while I traveling in train some people comment me like - I gonna change my religion to christian (indirectly) , some taking in half Telgu (not pure) , some also listening music indicating something ,but all are Oriya I can say this guaranty . I never faced this before, slowly social media changed my name totally like I am dating many boys in socialmedia all are from different places like DRAUPADI in MAHABHARAT who has 5 husbands.  There is a proverb “SAMAJ DARO KO ISARA HI KAFI HAI”, I am not fool or kid & all can’t b coincidence. Even it’s not my imagination too. What I am saying purely true, may you believe this truth or not, I don’t care but I don’t fear anyone to say what I faced even facing. So here I wanna say do you know anything or see any photos of me or see me with any boy in road or park or anywhere then how can you dare to say this , God has given you mouth does n’t mean you can say anything without any proof or see anything. Now I fear to go outside too. As I can’t understand what to do, I am a student right now even blogger.  But I can’t understand the reason behind hate , I can’t tolerate this , I just wanna keep my social media life & real life separate but people are combining it , when I’ll do anything at that time you will say but now I am a student & struggling for my dream . Why people hate me, just tell me my mistakes, if I talk with different people in social media is there are any mistake ,millions of people are there in social networking sites day by day it’s number also increasing– I am talking with them through socialmedia not going to meet them when I’ll do at that time you will say but at least not before 1 year as I can’t meet with anyone before starting my dream project . but this also true , I have seen many girls who lose virginity in early age no one say about them, so what you call them then. Look at your daughter or sister whether they are good or not , as whatever I have seen from school to college life those who are committed most of them already cross their limits but my family is too strict so I knowingly never enter love issues in my mind , anyone can be my friend not lover as I have seen what my friends were doing in their teen age or matured age , that was not good so better - why you enter into mud then repent & but can’t clean your leg , better make friendship with boys in social media & keep it up to the laptop till you that much matured or eligible to marry. So I can’t understand why people are talking about me , Oh ! because of social media even I saw some writers use some people name for their book publicity. What I hate most. How can people do like this before I thought that at least I have another good friend that is social media now I gonna lose it, as I don’t feel safe to go anywhere because of this. I gonna use it less, after achieve my success I’ll use regularly or can say excessively. But if I’ll use it more now it not only hamper my study but also my character even also power to ruin my life completely. as I don’t feel safe to go anywhere because of this. I gonna use it less, after achieve my success I’ll use regularly or can say excessively. But if I’ll use it more now it not only hamper my study but also my character even also power to ruin my life completely. I have no much money power that I can do anything all of sudden or I can get success easily as in present world money speaks a lot than talent , what I visualize even without any score card you can take admission in any college & can get success easily . what I can’t do , I am from simple family even I have great responsibility , I have my little brother & I don’t wanna give tension to my parents more for my success so I have to struggle alone & work hard as I know my journey is not easy as I have too many haters but less supporters even I can’t do anything for my success like what mostly successful people do , some hidden truth behind glamorous life style. All are not sweet. what I can’t do what others follow , I have unique path & worth to follow that’s why i choose lonely path but worthy enough.NOW MY LIFE IS LONELY LIFE – MY RELATION BETWEEN GOD & ME, AT LEAST NO ONE CAN STEAL HIM FROM ME THAT MUCH FAITH I HAVE ON HIM. HE WILL HELP ME BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE. I AM A TRUE BELIEVER. NO ANY SPECIFIC RELIGION MATTER FOR ME. YOU CAN CALL ME HINDU OR CHRISTIAN OR MUSLIM OR BUDDHIST, I DON’T CARE. I BELONG TO ALL. BUT DON’T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT MY CHARACTER. I ALSO LIVE LIKE SAINT don’t know my future may I ended my life with this life , I feel this life is better than live someone who don’t love you & understand you & I don’t have faith on boys , I hate rumors even anything bad about my character.But one thing i can say In INDIA people have great regional feelings , religion & others issues are common. slowly how much i try to know everything i get into deeper complicated world !!!

LASTLY WANNA SAY

"MY ATTITUDE DEPENDS ON HOW YOU BEHAVE ME"