TENSION LENE KA NAHIN , DENE KA

It is really unfortunate that suicides by students in colleges especially in good Top colleges and that also undergraduates, across India has been rising tremendously, even though anti ragging rules and regulations formed. I am writing this article as within 2 months 2 students suicide in IIT Kharagpur.  

I still remember, in school and college times some students did suicide due to getting less marks in board. This is true scenario even I also felt the same thing in my life but I am quite strong from my heart. But here cases are less as compare to ragging or mental torture in undergraduate colleges.

What ragging actually means to you?

Ragging has assumed it’s most violent and destructive shape in the educational institutes of India. A number of fresher student committed suicide in the past few years, which is nothing but the consequence of ragging.

According to Supreme court of India  - “Ragging is any disorderly conduct, whether by words spoken or written, or  by an act which has the effect of teasing, treating or handling with  rudeness any student, indulging in rowdy or undisciplined activities which cause or are likely to cause annoyance, hardship or psychological  harm or to raise fear or apprehension thereof in a fresher or a junior  student and which has the effect of causing or generating a sense of shame or embarrassment so as to adversely affect the psyche of a fresher or a  junior student.”

So ragging has different meaning as per different colleges and students so do you think suicide is best option here.

Recent days I am seeing many students from IITs doing suicide, just because they can’t tolerate the mental torture more.

So before thinking about suicide, just remind once how your parents spend their time, love and care for you to make you this much eligible. In case of suicide – even divine can’t forgive you.

I am concerning about this issue as I am the victim in every stage of my life but yes! I am a strong girl too. That also I consider myself perfectly.

MY LIFE SUICIDAL STORY

School life -

When I was in school – my life was quite fine but I was good in studies but students torture me by puncture my bicycle most of the time intentionally still I never ever say a single words , after getting result I always get tortured for few days then everything’s ok after one month pass . This is the way my life always passed when I was in school. but in the same time I was quite naughty too even I was obedient student too , that’s why no one can complain about me about any single issue . as per time I lose one one of my friends – there was a huge competition between me and a gang of students who were going to one tuition (PATRO SIR) , their only motto was to get better mark than me . Patro sir had problem with me as I don’t prefer tuition ever except English tuition , my parents taught me every time and I love their guidance so I never ever gone tuition till my 10^th except English that also Home tutor sir ( from standard 6^th to 10^th ) . So I still remember I lost most of my friends during 9^th due to this competition, ME VS PATRO sir’s tuition gang. in this way I lost many of my friends and I became lonely in 10^th board and that really hurts me badly then my grand-papa fall in paralysis that’s why my parents couldn’t teach me properly and I go for home tutors mainly . I still remember for 7 days my papa paid 2000 for math like this all other subjects too . he tried his level best , but my luck become bad and that time western Odisha has too bad result and highest was 85% in Chenymya vidyalya in totally sundgard district . so become school topper is like become my dream but I lost many of my good friends within those period. Now , no body is really care about what others are doing even me too , I am happy for their good lives . but that time quite so bad , I literally felt like crying every time in class as my friends comment me every time even half marks also can’t be bearable , as the more more I’ll get the more they’ll b scolded specially those who are good students in our class and go for that tuition . so I learnt life is different , everything can be forgettable and forgivable too.

My college life –

Frankly speaking , my 11^th in KIIT was my best period hostel life in my whole hostel life , I enjoyed a lot and got many names like miss doubt , doubt box and jigli bigli by my roomie (Swagata Mohapatra) . but 12^th was quite terrific due to my health issue and  study issue . 
but yes ! in that point of my life I learnt one lesson that – there are 2 kind of people are there – who show rich themselves but not rich from inside whereas some are rich but never show themselves and I don’t know where I can place myself and I was the girl whose home was quite far , as at that time our family was staying in Rourkela . when ever people say what’s your parents do – I proudly say “my papa is a government employee in railway and my mom is a housewife by choice” , it’s so costly here and how your parents can mange without having a business as most of my friends come from business family , only 1% from government employee in KIIT some are from IAS OR IPS OR OAS family and i still remember one OAS uncle told his daughter to make friendship with me in the first day in hostel , after taking with me and he told me “I choose to stay in a single room that’s why I got OAS” , as she was my first roomie later on she became my math partner as I was too good in mathematics and zoology . I was literally from a small family consists of 4 members only , so I don’t have much idea about joint family and the world much deeper even tough I stayed in many places even know the culture but I love all . then I got to know the misconception– government job means limited money and business means huge money no matter whatever you do and how much educate you are . that’s the mindset but my friend are very nice and I love to make friendship with marwadi as there is no difference between Marwadi and Brahmin and they also accept me easily and I love their foods that’s why I love to make friendship with them . I was quite different and I love all irrespective to their status and foods :P

That’s why everyone loved me and I was quite immature at that time but I found out that groupism was still there , I still remember one girl scold me as I told her roomie , well ! I am sitting in front of you and I can show you my copy and her roomie told me – you got less marks in class 10^th than her so how can you say like this , I don’t know what answer I should give . but my life taught me how to give answers to such people . ACTUALLY MY PROBLEM IS WITH MY FAMILY –

1)    My parents always taught me , shut your mouth in all conflict , maintain peace always .

2)    Small family so I don’t know how to give the answer when people behave rudely as no one behave like that in our family but yes ! now I am facing this in present generation as time is changing but if I talk about my parents generation , all are very calm and peace loving people that’s why people call us or we are popularly known as DEER FAMILY BACKGROUND *IN OUR NATIVE PLACE* . I didn’t know about this when I was child but now I understaand why , some were saying like that

3)    Fault in my gene as I can’t misbehave as it hurts me as I never ever misbehaved from my childhood days

Engineering period -

The time was quite tough , I learnt how to tolerate everything and I was in fully depressed state and one day I decided to KILL MYSELF TOO but I don’t know I didn’t have that much guts to do that. 

MBA life -

The whole career was in illustration , my awareness level was quite zero but thanks to God , this is the period or stage you can say ! I develop a lot – I got strength , overcome my high EQ level , quite become heartless and I learnt how to give answers as per the people . Even I lose many thing finally I FOUND MYSELF HERE . that’s the bitter true fact , may be as per the time and age – I matured .

I tried twice to do suicide –

1)    When I didn’t get medical

2)    During my engineering time – that’s why I requested my mem (HOD IN STUDENT DISCIPLINARY COMMITTEE) to help me finally I got room in 5^th floor with my juniors as my academic concern about me . I love my academic , as most of them concern about you as they know you well but they don’t fight with other students just to maintain peace and college reputation .

So after I came from engineering – I was a totally different person fully depressed one and now also my parents concern about that , but they don’t know I rise above my conscious level .

So I learnt many lessons from my past –

1)    When people knowingly try to down you - in this case show them their level is best way to get out of conflict. say something as per their level and what they deserve

2)    When people spread rumors – don’t try to prove anything before them prove them what you are and what are they by comparison with facts and figure before public so that they know how perfect they are . sometimes this is the bitter way to follow to shut some mouths . every time you can’t be silent

3)    When people try to ruin your life – show them their real face , how much mess up they are in their real lives as every life has a story as well as weak point .

Never let people to down you every time as most of the time their points actually drag you down and prove you wrong . what I faced in my past life – I failed to prove myself that’s why I was in depress state , instead of silent and barking like dog , if I go with trick – may be they’ll never ever follow the same path again .

I learnt – being strong is best option after losing many people in sense of friendship as well as other relationship , I learnt that – sometimes being straight forward is best option , you shouldn’t tell people what you can and can’t . in past I was portrait myself as a weak leader as I can’t command people and I was weak in heart but my life taught me how to be strong still be sweet in your own way .

I am peace loving and loving kind of person from core but when it comes to my dream – don’t try to mess up otherwise I also have different face which nobody wants to see.

I tolerate more as I always go with perfection and those who are like me they actually suffer – Either high level of introvert or full perfection personality –

1)    I never use boys for my work – I have seen how girls use boys as a boy friend to get their work done , if I was like that - I could have many boy friends till now but I am always different , I scared of use people that’s why I love to make in term of friend or brother , that’s why I can’t get help from any one truly .(Funny but True) (This is not a controversial thing but a bitter fact – which we all know very well and see also in real life)

2)    I have zero level of tolerance to all kinds of injustices , crime and torture .

3)    I can’t make my level low to get anything (my weakness as well as strength- as it defines me and in the same time I can’t become successful too)

4)    I can’t be duplicate – Yes ! I am a budding entrepreneur , I have true business mindset but in the same time I believe in symbiotic relationship. I help people and I wish to get help from them too but in the same time I FOLLOW MY ETHICS AND RULES & REGULATIONS TOO.

5)    I don’t have much friends as I more concern about my future and I love social work as it’s very difficult to get a person like me so I always stay silent .

6)    About my love life – huh , most of the time I face problem due to social media but frankly speaking now I am matured enough there was a time I scared of real life relationship after listening from my friends about their demanding boy friend . it really make me scared but now I am matured enough so sooner I gonna get out of this issues from social media – social media is just for keeping relationship and enhance your network but as a marketer now a days I believe in real life enhancing network for my future project work . I always keep my relationship in friendship way like – best friend , good friend or true friend etc etc as I know I can’t love someone –WHO IS ALREADY TAKEN OR IN A RELATIONSHIP , I HATE TO MAKE MY PRESENCE FEEL IN THEIR HEART WHO IS ALREADY COMMITTED WITH SOMEONE ELSE , as I know how it feels when someone take your BF from you and that’s why I never ever hurt any other girl but yes ! I have business and I have to deal with them and stay in touch with them so better be friends and once I keep anyone out of my heart – I never want them back specially in case of LOVE . I don’t want a best looking guy – I need a person who is only loyal to me may not be perfect but promise me to stay with me in every stage till my last breath . I am looking forward to such kind of person and I don’t care in past that person has how many GFs or what he studied or not , as I believe IF CHEATERS CAN BE FORGIVABLE IN MY LIFE WHY NOT SOMEONE’S PAST TOO. So I may not have boy friend but I always believe one day god is going to give me the best as I deserve best also – till now I never ever cheat anyone , may they but I never so I deserve best and I know one day I gonna get . SO I AM NOT SO DESPERATE FOR THAT , I AM COOL BUT I FEEL IRRITATE WHEN MY NAME JOINS IN SOCIAL MEDIA UNNECESSARILY , WHERE THERE IS NO EVIDENT AS WELL AS NO LOVE TOO. Now a days – some also taking advantage of this , they show love in social media whereas in real life scared of me but for them people blame me like i am a heartless kind of person whereas I am not . i unnecessarily blamed and mocked due to social media show ups – that’s why now I just want to get ride of social media accounts slowly slowly . so that I can concentrate more on real life relationships , NOW I REALIZE THE VALUE OF REAL LIFE RELATIONSHIPS . *TOO EARLY REALIZATION :P *

This is how I change myself over a period of time , my life quote – tension lene kia nahin , tension dene ka hai , as I learnt one important lesson – as per time some relationships and mistakes are forgivable and forgettable too as we least care about them except few who are either in top position *Friends of GOOD time or BENEFIT* and those who have interest in keep in touch with US, rest don’t matter , this is the funniest bitter true fact - about whom we concerned a lot , whose words as well as behavior hurt us a lot , after a certain time period these people actually DON’T MATTER AT ALL IN OUR LIVES .

My life full stories –

Don’t judge me based on this as I changed a lot – if you still try those tricks then now it’s your loss – you gonna lose many thing because of me as I changed *many people try this trick over me and I couldn’t understand due to low awareness state of mind*–

Recent incidents -

http://www.hindustantimes.com/india-news/body-of-iit-kharagpur-student-found-on-rail-tracks/story-tAGiYy1nqHO3SoqZ08dneK.html