.png "My Open Diary")
Being selfish is good or bad, I can say it is the best option in present world but be wise where to be selfish and where to be a selfless personality.
There are many times when people say me – you are too selfish, I laugh and look at them constantly and ask myself again – what you think I am a bogus fellow, I don’t have a brain or I am a human with no heart at all.
No matter, who told you what! Be yourself is the best way to live your life.
Being selfish is good most of the time – How?
“When do I get to start living my life?” means from my school days – I was a kind of too simple personality who don’t have much idea about this world, then slowly and gradually I cultivate selfishness within me for my own betterment. I know where to be selfish and where not to be?
Selfishness is a dirty word for many people. And yet, how are we to care for others, achieve at our highest level, and be our best selves if we are not giving ourselves the time and care it takes to be our best?
Filling your own cup first allows you care for others and be your best self, at home, at work, and in the world.
Start Saying No –
There was a time I was a giver, from my boyfriend (kind of - as actually, I don’t have much connection) to my worth (what I deserve).
But at that time no one asked me – How I felt at that time, what is going in my life. How lonely I was, How was I broken inside. IS THERE ANYONE WHO REALLY WANTED TO HELP ME FROM HEART, some came to help me but when they felt that I am started growing again after getting their mental support, they again makes me feel lonely as they realize my weakness, that’s why till now I never ever find anyone in my life who still is with me and can tolerate my success still support me as a friend. FOR GOD SHAKE! I never ever find such kind of person in my life, so why people expect same from me?
But at that time no one asked me – How I felt at that time, what is going in my life. How lonely I was, How was I broken inside. IS THERE ANYONE WHO REALLY WANTED TO HELP ME FROM HEART, some came to help me but when they felt that I am started growing again after getting their mental support, they again makes me feel lonely as they realize my weakness, that’s why till now I never ever find anyone in my life who still is with me and can tolerate my success still support me as a friend. FOR GOD SHAKE! I never ever find such kind of person in my life, so why people expect same from me?
There are many untold stories in my life –
School life was kind of fun so I never ever face such kind of selfishness till my 9th standard, due to board exam all become selfish for themselves and it should be.
College life –
The second year my life was like hell, still, I get support from few of my friends how much they can, but it doesn’t mean I never ever helped anyone – I helped many, taught mathematics many especially one of the girl who turns into my roomie later on.
The second year my life was like hell, still, I get support from few of my friends how much they can, but it doesn’t mean I never ever helped anyone – I helped many, taught mathematics many especially one of the girl who turns into my roomie later on.
Engineering life –
I really understand the meaning of selfishness from this stage, my 1st semester I clear all doubts from all teachers before semester and my life was good that’s why I got help from all most everyone. But 2nd semesters onwards – I still remember my room was the best place for study room as that was the big room for discussion from CSE to EEE branch, whereas whenever I ask a single doubt no one can help me, everyone left that part so they also don’t know the solution. Finally, I had to leave, so 3rd year onwards - I learned how to clear all doubts before the semester, as no one was there to help me, bitter truth, that’s why I bound to read all subjects by own , that’s why till now also I can give answers and can suggest better as well . I know that was my hard labor, not one night before exam study. Many untold stories regarding selfishness – let it be. whenever I go outside, I always get a list of things to buy and most difficult job is get pani puri - still i never ever refuse - I buy things for my friends whereas if I need a single important thing from market like PED to PEN either my friends forget or they spend all money so they couldn’t buy whereas they use my gate pass, as I always have extra 10-15 extra gate pass, as I rarely go to market in college bus. During my minor project, I didn’t find any suitable one to do my minor project, ha! after I being successful and secure 80+ in my minor project some of my friends told me to join their major one, when I refused – I become selfish and egoistic.
THESE LOOKS REALLY SILLY NOW, BUT THAT TIME IT HURT ME A LOT WHENEVER I FACED PROBLEMS.
I really understand the meaning of selfishness from this stage, my 1st semester I clear all doubts from all teachers before semester and my life was good that’s why I got help from all most everyone. But 2nd semesters onwards – I still remember my room was the best place for study room as that was the big room for discussion from CSE to EEE branch, whereas whenever I ask a single doubt no one can help me, everyone left that part so they also don’t know the solution. Finally, I had to leave, so 3rd year onwards - I learned how to clear all doubts before the semester, as no one was there to help me, bitter truth, that’s why I bound to read all subjects by own , that’s why till now also I can give answers and can suggest better as well . I know that was my hard labor, not one night before exam study. Many untold stories regarding selfishness – let it be. whenever I go outside, I always get a list of things to buy and most difficult job is get pani puri - still i never ever refuse - I buy things for my friends whereas if I need a single important thing from market like PED to PEN either my friends forget or they spend all money so they couldn’t buy whereas they use my gate pass, as I always have extra 10-15 extra gate pass, as I rarely go to market in college bus. During my minor project, I didn’t find any suitable one to do my minor project, ha! after I being successful and secure 80+ in my minor project some of my friends told me to join their major one, when I refused – I become selfish and egoistic.
THESE LOOKS REALLY SILLY NOW, BUT THAT TIME IT HURT ME A LOT WHENEVER I FACED PROBLEMS.
MBA –
I almost broke from my life due to failure as what I wanted to become I couldn't, that’s why I joined in sir sri university, as that is a holistic campus with good mental with physical health through yoga and Kriya . I decided to self-oriented and do my work perfectly. It doesn’t mean – when someone asked for help I never ever did – I tried my level best how much I can. If I talk about getting help in return – ha, no one helped me. I tried to make friends still i couldn't as I don’t have any scooty and i don't know how to ride as well – people don’t like to make friendship with me as it seems worthless for them , I don’t spend my time going outside for lunch or dinner, so I become worthless. Even though I wish to make friends – people leave me alone as I didn’t have anything to give. I never ever spend my money unnecessarily going outside most of the day or for any AOL course or seva or going outside on a trip. I didn’t have, but it doesn’t mean I never ever wish to make friendship with anyone, I may not help anyone much even I also didn’t get from anyone much as well, during demonetization time I was running out of cash, I didn’t have a single friend to get money from bank for that I was offended once – misunderstanding, likewise If I need anything for that either I had to go alone or I just leave it like that. Still I never ever complain being ignored. Still, people call me selfish – When I tell my friends to give presentation first.
So in life when people point their fingers towards me – I laugh and say look at yourself, your 3 fingers are towards you only. Correct yourself first.
Till now whoever asked me for help – without any second thought I help as I feel a self-satisfaction but still if I blamed to become selfish, then I don’t have any words for them.
1) First of all, I can help someone how much I can – I can’t be HR, PLACEMENT HEAD or OWNER of a company. Even if I’d be still I’d not hire someone who never ever try anything hard from their side. Even if I give all information’s and ways if someone can’t help himself and herself I can’t. When I know which state I am now, what I got and how much I struggled hard. I learned one lesson from my life "First, help yourself then others".But I can’t give interview for someone or Book an OLA OR UBER and give money for that to come, I can show them the path and give them information how much I can.
2) I can't help someone who never ever likes me either as a friend or sister, it doesn’t mean I never ever tried to make friends or behave lovingly , still if they misbehave you and finally tell you-you don’t like them or you don’t make friends with them then go to hell , such kind of mindset . I can’t help everyone, let me help myself first – my mental health is more important otherwise by solving and helping others I’ll become the worst person for everyone. PEOPLE TAKE THEM POSITIVELY AND I’LL BECOME THE WORST PERSON AS ALWAYS.
3) I am always open to help, how much I can. I love everyone if someone ditches me and don’t like to be with me as I can’t be their friend of a good time, sorry to say! I am a friend of good as well as BAD time.
Frankly speaking – when people say, I am selfish! I say yes I am as you people helped me to become like that and I proud to be selfish, but does it harm anyone, NO! Then, stay calm and let me live peaceful in my life in my way.
I am not difficult to judge still there are many people who misjudge me – one thing I want to say! I can’t educate everyone’s mind.
I am approachable, I am not crazy – How people always take me as I spend my most of the time in Research and Study but now I get out of it when I saw my dreams are like dreams. Still, have faith in God.
I can be trustworthy and I spend money as well – for those who are not like friends of a good time , first I judge them then I spend.
I don’t help unnecessarily, until unless I feel loved and support from someone else in real, as I have seen many people – how some people get used and I am a human, not a material, so I hate to being USED, that’s why I always have less friends but all are real not used friends .
First of all , know me and study my entire life till now if you can without judging me (why I am not like a normal one during my college days as I had a dream to become scienti*** , Resear**** , sorry these words are very precious for me to spell L ) or through others or through my rumours.
I am always there to help and support 100%, if you understand me perfectly otherwise let me alone, I’ll be always fine with that, as now I already habituated with that. There was a time loneliness was my greatest weakness and reason for my failure but now it’s my strength, as I spend many years like this.
So before saying someone selfish, first judge yourself - ARE YOU PERFECT !!!