I KNOW WHO I AM

Whenever I sit silently I ask myself – the purpose of my life.

Sometimes I feel like am I exceptional or my life is or many people who have got a life like me? Or I am over reacting?

Till now whatever I got due to my own labour, no one helped me in anything, Yes! My parents play a big role here – they spend money for me and rest?

Either it comes to my education or my job or my life – No one helped me in any place. Those who helped me or help me, they can’t be with me – don’t know why.

About my personality – Everyone knows me well, still, those who hate me they believe in lies and those who believe these people they are the greatest dumbass people – that’s why in my life I don’t like those people interference who spoil my name indirectly or directly and those who use my name.

About my career – From my childhood days to till now, I love to study alone. Yes! I have few selected lectures whom I ask for help otherwise I am a kind of one man army for me.

I always get recognition for my own talent and labour not during buttering. My school to college friends everyone knows this fact – how my character is.

About my Job –

I am professional, hardworking, smart and honest to my work only and I have limited friend circle – I am not confined to these. I have love to around those people who help me to rise in my life and motivate me always.

That’s why till now how much jobs I have cracked all are due to my own labour, the help of few consultancies and my own talent.

Neither my relatives nor any friend (boy or girl) nor any reference – I go for, as I realized one thing -after my internship experience in NEWS WORLD ODISHA (this is which, I got a chance through reference to my uncle) , if I get a reference – it’s hard to get succeed there and it depends or I can vary from situation to situation , that’s why better work hard and get something by own . Once you have the experience you can get the reference by your friends. So in my initial career – all of my jobs I have got till now my own labour and my own talent.

I don’t know how people actually define someone’s talent –

Is it mark – really?

Corporate rarely look at this what I marked.

If you think like that then why all 80+ holders in CBSE board are not getting chances in good colleges in first attempt or second attempt as well.

So if you are judging someone’s talent through mark then you are the most dump personality – if you still doubt yourself ask any simple question in a different way to all these 80% + students in CBSE mainly or few ICSE students – I am sure they’ll confuse as I have seen and I know people who study one night before during exam and get good marks and then no relation to what they studied. Same also happens for ENGINEERING AND MBA OR M-TECH students as well. Selective study and lectures help (getting selected question for preparation for the exam). I have marked this, that’s why I just ignore MARK IN EXAMS, I study for myself not to showcase. That’s why there are still many people who stay back in job life as always BUTTERING AND CHEATING doesn’t help.

I always get promoted due to my own hard work not due to buttering.

My life is like an open dairy – My whole life is written in story format in my blog, pictures in Instagram and videos in YouTube still people doubt on me whereas those who spend their whole life on cheating, buttering, being complicated and did all sorts of things before being matured people love them more.

I don’t know – sometimes I feel like good people born to get tortured by some illiterate people with the ill mindset, illiterate people – who see the truth still believe in lies, who knows the truth still believe in lies what they hear. They don’t believe their eyes but other words. so better if you find such people in your life better stay back from them as this is best for your future.

People sometimes become the best adviser for your life but don’t follow the same–

Some give me suggestions like – why you don’t try for government jobs as your father is from the government sector. Previously I was just smiling but nowadays I am replying with the truth – the government has reservation system (ST, SC & OBC). My father is MSC MATHEMATICS from a reputed university in Odisha– How he is promoted even though in his whole work life career he has less work faults and no other issues as well, So if my papa who is more talented than me and more honest, if his life can be treated like this- I don’t dare to go and spoil my life over there, my example is in front of me. Let all the reservation categories rule over government middle level, Yes! I wish to get to higher level where reservation is hardly matters and I find out about education those who are in initial stages of education like Diploma or ITI or any general science or commerce background go for CLASS IV employee and here competition is tough to get promoted but entry is easy nowadays due to much private sector jobs but during 90's – government jobs were everything still my papa got CLASS III employee by that time. Whereas in higher level CLASS I OR II EMPLOYEE only education and your talent matters. What my papa didn’t know during his time and when he realizes he didn’t have perfect age to apply but I have a different dream so I want success no matter whether it is government or private.

Nowadays you rarely find any reservation category people in bad condition – all are in best position, still why such rules, I really can’t understand. Most of my friends are comes under reservation category and I don’t have such feelings, I love them and take them as my own sisters and brothers but when it comes to my career of course who gonna compromise.

Some people also tell me - If your job defines your worth then what’s about your personality and family background then, I simply say that’s why I don’t show up much about my self-worth or family status. people who live small house or comes from lower background they show their status by going to bar and live a rich lifestyle by drinking and smoking in town mainly, as in town culture it matters for many than your job position whereas a family values matters from the day you born to when you die – it is not something which is earned by your forefather which also carried by you as well, so you have to be careful in each step. That’s why after seeing all these – I decided to be down to earth in my own personality but professional in my career as I want to get recognition and my hard work and talent should get paid. I believe more in family values that live in modern lifestyle – as per research I find out that the more decent and healthy good culture family background you are from the much better your future generation will be – that’s why I keep the town lifestyle aside and live my life with my own values. It doesn’t mean I don’t like party or dance or being in a group and being social but for me, I have different circle who love to meditate, who dance in music during any birthday party and who are decent with their behaviour and culture. I am a great dancer or can say speed dance with high heels as well, very few know it especially my friends (my MBA friends mainly, only once I attended engineering DJ PARTY that also in the 1^st year only). I love a party where no any kind of misbehave and quite a fun environment, where no one shows their status with their dump behaviour, that’s why my friend circle always few, who show me respect in the same time I do the same. it’s a kind of mutual understanding – only my best friends who helped me during my pain and struggle is allowed to scold me and mock at me and criticize me, except him/her I can’t tolerate others, as I believe if you can’t be with someone’s struggling time, better don’t try to hurt them as you may know them not their story.

Some people’s lives are so terrific – their good works make less noise than their mistakes and rumours –

I am talking about me: Either it is News world Odisha ( Internship ) or My past company ( AXIS BANK) – initially, no one hates me and some have the problem with me later on ( it’s ok and it happens as well – I can’t please everyone).

My work life culture -

1)    I never ever be late to my office except for few starting days, whereas people late daily but they are not scolded by anyone.

2)    I study and I don’t cheat but those who never study and cheated they got best opportunities.

3)    I work hard but my works went in vain –Many discrepancies and confusing cases, whereas no one was there to help me.

4)    I work decently – I manage my working hours and all rules still if in case I didn’t wear formal, some shout like I did a big crime – you are not in formal and show to the whole and I unknowingly get caught. Whereas many wear jeans and informal dress most of the day still no one say anything to them.

5)    Where ever I work initially my whole environment I can cheer everyone and I find no one hates me but yes! I face problem later on as some people have the problem with my ego and some people want I should follow their footsteps and be like them and some have issued my salary and maybe education. Otherwise from my side, I never ever behave rudely with anyone until unless something really irritating happens to me. I don’t like to behave like childish but now I am matured enough how to act and react after facing so many problems.

When some people ask me – how can you manage being perfect as I told my life is so bad, if try to do something different than my usual behaviour then I’ll surely get caught, that’s why even if I am interested to do anything and try also still I scared as I don’t want to be a bad examples for anyone who really try to follow me. Being perfect is the only option for you when you have so many haters and so many stalkers in your life. You can’t be imperfect, otherwise, your one mistake will sound like huge as till now even though I didn’t have any mistake still if I can be punished like LORD SITA, then if I really do mistake then I’ll be in nowhere else.

My own personality –

1)    I don’t like to cheat and I have less friend circle.

2)    I always believe in long-term relationship and those who are very close to me, they may say I scold them every time but no one can say I insult them inform of others or behave badly or think bad about them. whereas whenever they need my help even in the night 12 am during exam time I helped my friends whereas when I want to clear one simple doubt many have the same doubt only, that’s why before the exam I clear my all doubts.

3)    I don’t like to spoil my family image by anyhow.

4)    I believe in love but I believe in true love, not time pass and those who do I don’t like them as well

5)    I love being social even I love my people as well but yes! I can’t help every time, whereas when I need who helped me. that’s why from my past few experiences I promise to myself – whoever will help me during my struggle and pain – I’ll b always in touch with them and help them how far I can but not all as I am not a daily social worker. As if my condition is poor due to my own fault, I was quite liberal in my work and view. Now I just want to be strong for me and my future.

Nowadays - I promise to myself I am not going to bear any kind of insult from anyone and I can’t help each and everyone otherwise one day I’ll lose myself and become alone in this whole world while helping each and every one every time.

I’ll grow in my career and I’ll be more matured how to act and react either in my personal life or professional life.

I need to change myself as rumours and criticism are ok up to certain level but not always, as now I am getting into my corporate life and I am moving ahead to create my own identity as well. So now zero tolerance to all these issues.

Actually, I am too busy in making my own future – I don’t even time to think about these but some people misjudge you due to your rumours and knowing the whole fact, that hurts me as for these I am loosing so many of my dear dear people. In my life few people who really helped me and these few faced problem for me due to some others people who try to ruin me but they unknowingly get crushed along with me that’s why nowadays I scared to ask for any help as I don’t want to crush any of my relationships as it hurts me badly every time, I don’t want to take anyone’s position – I can’t be compared with someone’s 15 yrs. experience but I am me. I know what I can do and can’t.  It hurt me badly when people pretend anything and assuming anything while MY INSTAGRAM , MY BLOG, MY YOUTUBE VIDEOS AND MY LIFE – MY FRIENDS to all information of them, if my friends can’t say anything good about me like I am very social, at least they can’t say anything bad about my character . I know many people have a problem with me – being not social much as I talk less, less interaction and less party and fun together – but it doesn’t mean I don’t want this kind of lifestyle - About this, I just need to give one explanation –

I am from a very conservative family where after 8 PM in night coming to room is a kind of crime until unless you are with your known people (blood relationship) , no party and bar – that’s why my parents give money as per my food concern as my papa know I am a great foody person and 3000-4000/- per month is enough for my food besides hostel food and for other things he send me few 1000 money extra – total 5000/- per month, that’s why even I have the interest to go bar for any DJ night party , club and movie I couldn’t go , as I know if I’ll violate his rules – he will stop my education, as well as stop giving me pocket money for food as well so I, have to obey as per my family rules and norms . 
I studied in Good colleges like KIIT, IIIT and SRI SRI and spend more than 20 lakh in my whole education - money is not a big concern for education for my parents but it is really an issue for fun during college time. 

Now in job life – Even I want to try those things which I always wanted during my college days (party, friends and fun to gettogether) – I don’t have much friend circle whom I can trust 100%, I am in a new city and most important is It’s my marriage age so I can’t do something which I never tried before otherwise, my 26 years (the day i born to till now) honesty go in vain – better wait for few more days what I wanted during my college days, I can have all those fun even after marriage too.

I am very open-minded, I don’t have nothing to hide and nothing such things which is very difficult to know about me as I am clear like a plain paper still those who doubt on me – let them as for this they gonna lose. This world contains billions of people but keeping few trusted friends are priceless – so lets them choose someone who can use them and throw them in dustbin , I can’t be like this and I don’t want someone use me like this as well that’s why my social circle is always few who treat me best .

I always trust my lord and i know he is always there and he will be there for me always no matter whatever situation i am going through. 

I AM NOT BORN TO HELP EVERYONE BUT THOSE WHO REALLY NEED, FOR HUMANITY AND FOR MY NATION. THAT’S MY LIFE.