.png "My Open Diary")
Life itself is a dark and twisted thing. It seems to make
many twists and turns that eventually make out a bag of happenings. All of
these circumstances make you a wiser person as these events go on. Many people
can say one single event that has changed their life forever. Sometimes, some
memories become unforgettable which teach you a lesson that becomes the guideline
for your life. Every people face same kinds of experience in different way
& different age. When a person experience something in early age he/she
becomes wiser than those who learn that in older age. But everyone experience
something good & bad in their life time. Even I have also; I have lots of
experience & some good, some bad. My bad experience is overloaded. I have
all kinds of experience, with in “22 years” I learnt so many things. Sorry, not
all kinds of experience, experience related to a student, dream, injustice etc. I know many lessons still
left to experience. Yesterday I was fool so I tried to do something new, now I
am wise so I search those people who already experience those things. So that I
can get a rough knowledge on that. Yeah, I love to try new things & I am a
different kinds. Even you can call me psycho, I am not telling, People call me but I don’t
feel angry as I know myself. I am different from others from my mind, heart &
behavior. I am
neither feel proud nor shame for this. I confess WHAT I AM. There is nothing to hide; my life is kind of OPEN BOOK. Anyone can read. I always
write inspiring stories & articles as I don’t want what I faced other also
face the same situations. So I always write what I feel right.
Your
experience helps you to become wise even sometimes it has power to change your
life. Not only your experience , There are many things in life that can change
the course of a person’s life LIKE “People & experience” , are mainly the two
sources who has power to change someone. It can either make a positive impact
or a negative impact on a person’s life. It’s always best to have the positive
impact though. For me I have had a positive experience that has changed your
life forever & negative impact change your life into the hell. So be choosy
what you should choose, your choice may break you or help you. Choice is yours.
Yesterday I was fool so I want all but now I am wise, so I
choose positive people around me so that I can
improve myself.
In my life there are many experiences that shaped me into the
character I am now. Reflecting upon the many different encounters I had
throughout my life.
I had my life set. At the age of “14” I had no worries till
standard -10th, no qualms about life. My daily routine comprised of going to
school, coming home, resting for a while, waking up, doing your home work &
engage yourself in your hobbies like paintings ,writings ,gardening etc then
sleeping, and then repeating the same thing the next day.
But then, life happened as I woke from the dream when I entered into the standard 11th, first hostel life. I was a kinda different species, I was introvert even I couldn’t do my works properly. My papa send me hostel “to know the world & do my all works by own”. His decision changed my life at that time I was very much angry for his decision But now I know that was the greatest blessing of my life, it was a blessing that turned me from introvert - silly girl into little bit wise .now I am very strong from my mind & heart, that’s a important lesson for me .
sometimes I feel My life is a unique life , yeah I agree we all are different , we have different life style , different looks , different personality etc .but some people are really very unique , I have seen this from my child hood days. I learnt so many lessons; my life experiences are kinds of different. When I was child I had everything, “money + good educational back ground “still I was not happy because one thought always gives me pain how can I fulfill my dream. At that time I had no idea how to make it into reality. But I love one thing when my papa’s friends praise him for my works & my success. I never feel tired to do hard labor, if I get the appropriate result. But it breaks me inside when I don’t get. Till Standard 10th everything was fine. yeah, I know I was & is not a too brilliant student but whatever I have got till now because of my hard labor. While my friends play & enjoy I engage myself in my study or my work. From my childhood days I love to live alone & do my all works. I had no friends; yeah I had hardly 2-3 friends in my life. They are very nice. I have no so many friends as my problem is “I can’t tolerate rude & wrong people”. So I always search a person like me so that it will be easy for me to make friendship. That’s why I have very few friends. But I can say proudly, my friends my very good from their personality too. I am saying about my friends till standard 10th. As after that definition of friendship changed in my life, I learnt one important lesson – PEOPLE COMES, PEOPLE GOES BUT LIFE IS A KIND OF RIVER WHICH ALWAYS FLOWS. IT NEVER STOPS FOR ANYONE. I have met many different kinds of people with in my life, I learnt many lessons. Sometimes people feel I AM LUCKY as what I want I always get means if I don’t get that I get some substitute but nobody can see what I lose for that , I lose my friendship , my pleasure & my fun time. While everyone fun with their company, soul mate etc, I engage myself with my work. I failed many times but I never give up. Every time I tell one thing to myself ONE CHANCE MORE, I CAN DO THIS TIME. Every one chance makes me strong & gives me hope, Yeah I can do it. I failed 1000s of time, I get injustice. Many things I have learnt with in this "22" year’s life period, I have seen people always try to forget everything but I never forget anything. I always keep everything inside me but never disclose before anyone. I know my heart is that much big to hide everything inside me, I know sometimes they give me pain but I never try to forget those lessons & way to failure. My pain always realize my mistakes , I knowingly make my life miserable as I know if I’ll live happy I may forget MY PURPOSE OF LIVING , so I make it measurable so that I can feel the pain of others & I’ll be kind . I know I can’t be rude, so I knowingly keep all pains within me, so that it will courage me to reach at my destination. I am not living for myself; I am living for many people. I have to do many things for others. My parents dream is my first dream, I feel very sorry as I am unable to fulfill their one dream to become a doctor. But this time NO! I’ll not allow anything to distract my mind. As I know how much it importance for them, they had sacrifice many things for me. They sacrifice their pleasure, their nights for me. If I can’t give them pleasure through fulfilling their dream it’s better to take retirement for my work for whole life. I wanna be a good daughter first, as they are my first priority in my life. How can I see them in worry? What they lose they don’t want I also lose that so they are encouraging me every time. I feel proud that my parents very well educated but their situations were bad, so they don’t want what mistakes they had done I repeat the same. So they gave me all kinds of opportunity to fulfill my dream. That’s why they are my first priority, what I am now because of them, they are not only my parents but also my Best friends. I have 3 best friends till now – MY childhood friends & my parents.
I am a great loser
too , loser
not in the sense I lose my BOY FRIEND – Ha , I had no any single
love issue in my entire student life . I proudly can say, I don’t know about
rumors & if people take my friendship as love issues. Yeah, you may heard
crush blew blew something what goes in student life but I hate to love issues
from the beginning, even I too hate the committed life. I BELIEVE “LOVE HAPPENS ONCE & THAT
ALSO FOR LIFE TIME WHOM YOU WILL MARRY – MY DEFINITION ON LOVE OR BELIEVE YOU
CAN SAY .EVEN I DON’T CARE WHAT OTHER THINK & SAY ABOUT ME. AS I TRUE
BELIEVER OF TRUTH”.
I lose many
career opportunity, as I had no idea about different careers what I can do
after that. Even I had no vast knowledge on different career
opportunities. From the beginning I had huge interest in research & social work line. But at a time you can’t
read both, so I choose let me complete my study first then I’ll do social work.
I will give my entire life for people but before that I’ll do something for me
like to fulfill my aim. I lost much opportunity; I was a bad decision maker. I
took many wrong decisions in career. But joining in IIIT is not mine but my papa’s
decision so it’s right & great choice. My all decisions were wrong. I was a
bad decision maker, as my parents always give me freedom to choose my own
career line. So now I wise as I took many wrong decisions & lost many opportunity .
I lost opportunities for my foggy thoughts. My problem is I can’t choose which
is best for me. That was my problem. But I have made a fowl chart of my
different line career, how I can reach at my goal. At that time I had no ideas. My engineering career
made me wise: P FUNNY BUT TRUE!
Even I am
a great failure personality, I failed many time. It’s not about failed in exam
it’s all about failed to achieve something great or good whatever you can say.
I failed to get many thing, I failed to get medical; this is a big disaster in
my life or big failure. Others are like very small before it. At that time it
break me a lot but now I am habituated with this. Neither people’s
words not my failures disturb my mind more. As I learn so many lessons.
Even now stop caring about the world & people. I know people say even some
love to pull your leg down. It’s your responsibly how to stay strong & move
forward. No one responsible for your failure, as no one can see your success,
so why you take other words so seriously, It’s your mistake. So be wise – if you have
a BIG DREAM.
My dream
is small, but the path is Big, I don’t know how much time it will take. I had
already I sacrificed my all pleasure for my dream even now the same thing I am
doing. I never feel tired & worry for this as I have faith on my lord, one
day I’ll get but when I don’t know. So my prayer before my lord gives me what I
deserve before I left this world. As I don’t know how much time left , even I can’t predict. Anything can happen anytime.
So my
only prayer before my Lord–
Oh my
dear lord , give me how much I deserve , I am not worry for what you didn’t
give me as I have faith on you , I know maybe that’s not fit for me . So give
me what I deserve with in my life time. I am ready for my struggling life. I
feel pleasure as I have not got a normal life like others. But for my life I am
not blaming you, I am grateful, my life is far better that the people who don’t
get food once in a day, who lose their everything in war, who lose their
shelter & everything. My life is far better than them. I feel pain why you
do so much injustice – one side some people don’t know the meaning of pain
another side you are giving so much pain to others (POOR PEOPLE). If you can’t
do anything for them, give me strength & power to fight for them. I don’t
care my life for others. I feel happy if I'll die for saving some life. I don’t
wanna be rich, even it was & is not my dream, I want money to fulfill my
basic needs & help some poor people. I need money for that & I know I AM THAT MUCH CAPABLE TO
EARN MONEY. I HATE TO DEPEND ON OTHERS FOR MONEY. I have that much confidence on myself.
I love
this story – “GOD SEES THE TRUTH BUT WAITS”, after reading this story one thing wandering
in my mind. How can god be so cruel? His judiciary system is so poor. Does it
valid for everyone. What, if I am in his list. !